Every so often we find these "OMG we're breaking up, what do i do? what do i do?! I'll die!" First breath, get your shit together, Cause I'll just put it out there for all that I recommend that you should NEVER friend an Ex. Don't do it, it's not healthy, it's not a legit alternative, it just makes things worse. Sad and creepy...
Course when i leave this advice, it's always in the form of a response on someone else's thread so it's not like everyone see's it or notices it and before you know it someone else needed the same thing and missed me completely. Also i didn't really leave a good reason why in my mind it should go without saying, it's just logic, the reasons are so obvious they don't need explaining. So again it's one of those learning things on my part that my mind is NOT everyone else's mind. Common sense is not....common.
The whole "just be friends and see how it goes from there" fuck that, don't do it, don't take the bait. Those people either do not know what they are talking about, have a false perspective of how things work. or are too optimistic cause they watch too much high school musical or Gilmore girls, or just have a tendency to show weakness in all situations of their lives. Whatever the reason, they are just setting you up for failure.
Think the sneaky, sociopathic way. Be the table-turning bitch. Use the lateral prefrontal cortex. (the part of the brain that goes active when your are being deceptive. why do you think you have it? for that propose, because deception protects people.) If shitty things are just happening to you it's because you let them.
Note: this advice is not for everyone. Also maybe it's too late for you to put it to work but if not, you can be prepared in the future cause life throws these kinda things cause she's a total bitch or just trying to do you a favor she's bipolar or some shit. Idfk. I don't like her all the time. Speaking of time, well time is another mother fucker, waits for no one, you're gonna roll on his schedule LIFE is HIS bitch. Okaaaaay, getting off track here...
So you’re in this situation where you’re thinking, “my ex wants to be friends with me, but I really want them back, I just don’t know how to turn this situation around so that they’ll want me as a partner again.” Don't... just don't fucking do that when the moment starts to process, I’m gonna show you how to flip the script on this so that they may comes back to you.
Firstly this situation is common after a break up in which ex was the one to end it. Friendship is the way of keeping you in the picture enough that they won’t suffer too much emotionally after ending it. The problems with accepting the offer of friendship are that A. it makes you look fucking desperate, and B. they also lose respect for you from seeing that you will accept scraps even though you wanted much more. They know that the high Dating Market Value (DMV) guy who they wants to lock down in a relationship, would never accept those terms:
Ex: “I want to be just friends”
You: “no thanks, good luck”
See, it's just that fucking simple mates. Cut the puppet strings of failed friendship to come! Snip snip snip. Fuck you, you metaphor that explains how people become emotional crutches to drag around.
That is how a high DMV guy reacts, therefore it’s how YOU should react. Then after that, do a NO CONTACT PERIOD and focus on literally anything else It can push up your DMV if you are to spend time away from them immediately after they offers friendship, because continuing to see them in that time will only push you further and further into the friend zone.
A better situation is if you get there first in offering to be friends. It is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT if it is you offering the friendship! It does depend how you offer it though.
Ex: “I can’t do this anymore, we are done”
You: “Cool, let’s spend some time apart and then maybe I’ll let you be my friend”
If you say that, you flip the chasing-dynamic script on them completely. Ex dumping you (so that’s their high DMV and yours lower), but then instead of breaking down and begging like a low DMV person would (giving ex confirmation that your DMV is lower than theirs), you instead seem totally cool with it and offer them scraps (friendship). That raises your DMV back up because only a Person with options (pre-selection) would do that. This is when you could have a situation where the ex starts backtracking on the decision and going from, “my ex wants to be friends” to “holy shit ex wants me back”.
I had this backtracking situation happen to me, and although I didn’t offer to be friends, I seemed reasonably unaffected by his decision to end it, nodded my head to acknowledge that decision, and then I walked away without a word. As I walked away I could hear him backtracking on the decision and telling me to wait because he wasn’t sure, but I knew that at that point the attraction was low and that if I had turned around and gone back at that moment, I would’ve been making myself too easy (low DMV) and he would have changed his mind again. After that I ran my no contact period. Fuck you, i'm not a beta, i'll walk the fuck home. (don't actually walk 2 miles back home if it's you some day, i'm just saying...)
So, if your ex girlfriend/boyfriend wants to be friends, calmly brush off the offer, and then run an effective no contact period after that Because seeing them when they are in a place emotionally where they wants to be friends with you, is just gonna push you further into that friend zone. You have to be very careful with the whole friendship thing. Fuck scarps. If you take them, ex could probably do better than your desperate, lowly, do-nothing self, getting dragged around forever, dropping everything to please them with no results. Turn it around on them.
Edited by EvilActivity, 10 March 2017 - 11:52 PM.