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  1. Last week
  2. about me

    okay lets get this straight... * I used to be emo..but that was in high school when I was 16 and a boring freshman, now i'm 19 and a boring gold fish * I listen to country music, it makes me happy * I joined this website thing because I want to make some new friends * I DO NOT SEND NUDES OR TALK ABOUT SEX SO IF YOU ASK FOR NUDES YOUR FEELINGS WILL GET HURT...and if you send nudes and expect a response and don't get one that's all on you not me * I don't cut myself (anymore) * yes I have other social media accounts
  3. Earlier
  4. Donuts, bad accents, pig parties and other ventures

    4 8 Skip 4, uno! "Why do girls take forever getting ready?" "I don't know... Draw two." How do you not know you're a girl... Jimmy, Connor and Nick all look at me and snicker behind their cards. "Well, i'm not a girl girl.. So... Shut up, yall known me for years now." This was Conners basement. The base of pot smoking indie music and board games. And on occasion we set up the madden football game down here. Nick was a friend as was jimmy but Jimmy was also conner's step cousin. The nephew of conner's step dad. Jimmy was here for vacation from Georgia and he only hung with us for maybe 3 or 4 times. Jimmy was a timid feller from the country with a southern accent and mannerism. The girls where here as well 4 in total, not including me, all sharing the huge second bathroom upstairs. Conner's mom had this huge wide bathroom with studio sized vanity mirror above her dual sinks. The sinks where so far apart you couldn't touch elbows brushing your teeth if you tried. The girls loved that room. It use to be a place to just lounge and smoke but once everyone got to that dating phase it's just been the personal dressing room. The smell of weed and different perfumes infusing made us ill so we gracefully accepted the loss of our cozy house nook and retreated to the male cave. Conner pretty much ran the home as he wanted because his parents where flight attendants. They where barely ever home. They travel to many exotic and exciting places. As did conner but he needed to stay close to home to host his cousin's stay. He also wanted to keep his head down for awhile so his currant girlfriend didn't become too suspicious of his "sleeping around the world mission." "Well it's been like 3 games of uno and they aren't done yet..." "Uno doesn't take that long to play though." "Well you just got here Nick. We've been playing Jenga earlier." "Yas said something about curling her hair." "Can someone go see why they are taking so fucking long." Typical everyone looked at me. "Ugh fine... I felt like getting high off nail varnish anyway..." -------- The girls where Yasmine whom was dating conner for 3 months though they been acquainted for two years, cynthia, is nick's Current "rebound/secondary girlfriend." they only recently started dating again though nobody knows if he really called it quits with his long distance girlfriend from California. Out here in Conneticut though Yasmine was his girlfriend. And finally the two most interesting sisters Zoey and Samantha. These two are a set of very rare bi-racial twins. Samantha dated Hector and zoey was simply paired with Macho for the occasion. Both whom where already at the destination we planned to take off to. They were identical except for the fact that Zoey's skin pigment didn't blend too well in the womb so she had splooches of discolored milky skin over her light cocoa complexion, or vitiligo. Samantha was flawless. It certainly made all the difference in how people interacted with them. (But more of that later.) "Knock knock.... You bitches almost done in there. Hector texted us twice now." "Okay willow! Almost done." I had taken off but returned to the hallway upstairs again to see if i could borrow a phone as i was currently low in minutes (2009 has a shitty cellphone era.) i hadn't intended to over hear anything incriminating about me but when i heard my name from Cynthia's mouth i pretty much became invested in eaves dropping. "That's way out of line! Willow just gets on my damn nerves! Just cause she's short and shit but... She jumped on Nick's back for a piggy back ride that one time.. Remember?" What's the big deal, i horse around with him all the time..... "Yeah you just don't jump on another chicks boyfriend like that, it's just not cool... I wonder whose lap she'll sit on in the car ride this time..." We're taking two cars you drama queen... "You guys are over exaggerating... Willow is like a little sister to the guys." Thank you Zoey. Samantha threw her two cents in too. "Yasmine, your problem is with Conner. He had another girl in a couple other states so you..." "Shut the hell up.. Seriously..." "Mmhm... See that... You don't want people to tell you how it is so you try and hang willow out to dry." "Whatever... Piss off already... Let it go.. You think I'm worried? Willows not all that pretty and i still wonder myself if she's a closet lesbo of something..." "Doesn't wear make up, doesn't fix her hair, Wears her brother clothes, and shes so short! Flat chested." It was all just Yas and Cynthia now. The twins where silent aside from asking for the twezzers or more hair spray. My face was on fire so badly i could kick the damn door down but i didn't want to detere the plans to chavos. "So that Jimmy kid, he's kinda cute huh?" "Yeah he doesn't have a girlfriend back home so i think he's waiting on some summer hook up scenario or something." "Well willow is the only girl that's single too i think she's been getting lumped with him to even out the boy-girl ratio." "Well she's single and hooks up with people." " A nice country guy like him? Totally wasted on her. I feel bad. Conner could have done better with the other girls he keeps on the back burner... But then of course i'd have to beat their asses if i saw them haha." "No i think he's lucky it's willow. A friend of macho's, that dude named steve... She blew him. " "Well damn... I heard stories but she doesn't even look the type.. I've never gone down on a guy..." "Me either..." "Never gonna happen..." "I'm still waiting for the right guy... I mean id have to seriously be attached to someone to even consider that." "Okay so maybe willow is legit an issue after all... We don't suck dick... She does. Maybe that's why the guys keep her little tomboy ass around..." Yeah sure that must be it... It's so not because i supply the pot, play Madden football, supply the extra guitar hero devices or a bunch of other interest that connects me to my friends... "Yasmine seriously... You are out of your damn mind. You outta chill... She's been friends with them before you were even relevant" That's right Zoey throw them some truths. "I'm just saying... If we can't do it, they'll find another hoe that will... And Her head game has got to be spot on to compete with this." Okay bitch.... It's on... I'll play some head game's with you... ------------------- I slowly took my seat back downstairs. "Another game guys" "So, are they almost ready? Macho and Hector are already at Chavos. They texted like 4 times." "Oh, i'm not sure i mean they keep saying 5 more minutes each time i asked before so...hold on... Is there any more sodas?" I was very certain of the timing and it was pretty close. I placed my hand to my forehead and got up weakly. "My blood sugar feels low." Conner is the first to get up and shuffle over beside me. " You okay, did you bring your glucose tablets? Nick go get her a root beer or something." Jimmy is looking confused. "What's the matter? Oh my goodness, this girls bout to faint." "She is hypoglycemic. She has a condition that burns sugar from her system pretty fast she just needs more sugar." "Your face is red. Can you breath okay?" I sit in the sofa with Nick and nurse my root beer. "I'll be okay... I just need a minute. " --------------- "Y'all ready for Chavos guys?! The girls are suddenly clustering at the entrance way of the basement stairs. Nick and Jimmy didn't have much enthusiasm to respond right away but said "yes" and "whatever sure." Yasmine stomped over in her clicky high heels oddly to see if she really was seeing me with my head nested on conner's knee. His hand stroking my hair gently to soothe my pretend discomfort. She said nothing but her face noted her exasperated mood. "I'm not going, I'm gonna make sure willow gets home okay." I shook my head at conner. "I already told you, i can get home myself." Cynthia approaches me with her huge botox looking grin. "Aww baby what happened?" She gives me a loose hug. God she bathed in perfume... "I just have a migraine. I have hypoglycemia... I'm gonna go home in a bit ." "Yas, take my keys you can drive the second car. I'm gonna walk willow home." Conner gets up and braces me around the shoulder he makes no attempt to kiss yasmine back as we walk past her. Look whose blowing who off now.... Yas and cynthia would not have this but they made a civil approach. "Nick she had something to drink right? Her sugar should be stabilizing...." "That's not for you to say! Maybe if some people didn't take so fucking long getting ready!" Conner was visibly upset and everyone backed off and took upstairs to get situated in the two vehicles without another protest. We followed up the stairs closely and i said my apologies to jimmy. He seemed confused and replied that he hoped i felt better latter. We separated from the front door of the house as conner locked it. Zoey gives me a kiss. "You gonna be okay.... Do you want me to bring you back some wings or ribs?" "I'd like that. Thanks..." "Call me or samantha if anything." Zoey and Sam certainly are my friends. I feel bad for making them worry. Ashamed that i stuped to this level of head game's... And not the kind yas was worried about. Yas isn't worthy of Conner. I'm on a war path now. Burn you slag... Burn!!! "Will, you're even more red! Are you having an allergic reaction?!" "Oh um no.... Well.. I got spritzed with a lot of perfume upstairs... It really congested me." "It really drives me up the wall that yas wears so much fucking perfume... Damn it... Let's get you home in one peace." Burn...
  5. I'm not excited about being engaged.

    Well, just always remember the kids are first always...You gotta do what you gotta do, it sounds like you got your head on straight to me....
  6. "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns-n-Roses
  7. Black Veil Brides

    I love Black Veil Brides---which reminds me, I need to listen to the one cd I have of theirs!!!
  8. Whats your fav? - Games

    Tetris will always be my favorite video game...
  9. Who has lost their virginity?

    I lost mine when I was 17 (many years ago)....I told myself I was giving it to someone I was in love with, not just any man..but, I still felt guilty about it later...
  10. I am a straight woman---but, I do not judge somebody else if they are different from me...It is not my job to judge others....
  11. Hello?... Anyone?.. Are you guys still alive???

    I'm new here.. :)) .
  12. JACK. One of the best friends I will ever have....

    You're gone now.

    I miss you man.

  13. I couldn't find the graphic novel thread...

    It puzzles me why you're still here. I think I even still have you on skype. What a weird old time EP was. I'd love to find a new place to hangout. I'd doubt you'd remember me especially on this new account. Old times. good memories.
  14. Long time no see EP

    So, I see this place is dead. I remember meeting some of the best and worst people here. My best Friend jack who I met on EP died. I loved Jack, He really was a great guy a great friend, I'll miss him forever. He had so much more potential than me, he could speak more languages than me went to university, was handsome, was healthy, had good friends and fun. He also came he, I think it was about 2012 or 2013 when we both met, we started off hating each other, trolling each other, eventually we both got perma banned, once he became friends he trolled this place so much so often. People may not have liked us, but we were some of the first here we knew all the very first people here we were the foundations of this place. It's weird to think now that I came back out of chance that this small internet page shaped so much of my life of his life. Great memories forever and always. Rest in piece Emo puddle, Rest in piece Jack. Still thinking about you forever and always. I still have a few people from EP on facebook. Those were the days. RIP EP RIP jack, Love you man. Love you like a brother. I miss you.
  15. Hey, I don't think you'll remember me......

    It's Arron, We used to talk all the time.

    Anyway, I quit college a few years ago and I'm living in China, I had an urge to come back to this site today, for nostalgia.

    I saw your screen name and my mind was like, oh shit man you remember that girl.

    So i thought I'd message you to see if you wanted to catch up.

    Arron Lewis Stamp. an old British friend.

    1. Longtimenosee

      Longtimenosee

      Just in case you do ever see this I'd better leave a means of contacting me.

      If you even remember me or whatever, though maybe I'll make a better effort you contact you.

      I'm pretty emotional today remembering a lot of things.

      Arron.betts is my skype though I'm now Arron stamp. Hope to hear from you.

       

  16. Well now there's a graphic novel thread. (I never really got into the appeal of manga) These are my current favorites.
  17. Donuts, bad accents, pig parties and other ventures

    It was raining on a Thursday. The rain always worked against me and i went to work in my car rather than my bike. (People really squaked about gas prices back then and money was rather tight.) it wasn't too bad since rainy days meant hot chocolate orders and trafficking of patrons that drop all their pocket change into the tip jars like it was every ones business. I was also taking the next day off but scheduled for Sunday. i usually didn't work the sunday shift, though my pregnant co-worker (we shall just call her Cassidy for the story) requested that day off for prenatal appointments. I took up the trade cause as usual no one else outside the weekend shift would. She was grateful to my cooperation. (The other coworkers seemed like assholes but i never really bothered to notice. I was just know understanding her anxiety once i agreed and she started breathing properly once more. Seemed even the manager seemed like a sloth about it. He has the power to switch and make people do things but didn't apply it. Much of this day was spent looking at a swimsuit catalog for no real reason. It just came as mail. "I just can't tell from pictures if my bust can fit in a top like that." I couldn't disagree. What a pandering catalog. "It's annoying, this one says petite and this one says it's athletic but the models are the same person. How is she fitting in this petite? She gonna bust out." "If i still had my swimming body id either order this peacock pattern or the seafoam. You in the market for a new swimsuit? "No, i was just looking. My old one still fits pretty good. I'm not a two piece fan either." "Oh i was just asking since you kept going back to the same page as if you like this glittery one." I didn't notice i was so transfixed with that one page of the entire thick catalog. It featured a bi-racial model sporting a two piece purple fish scale pattern but i hardly noticed cause the background had pretty pink sand in the clear water. And there was a butterfly kite in the smaller picture in the corner. "I just like pink sand see? Like in pictures of Aruba.... What's the matter...?" Cassidy got up and moved off mid sentence. I could tell without looking that it was because little miss youth group was arriving. Even on a rainy day this girl didn't take a break. (We shall call her Amanda) i greeted her as if nothing was amiss but the look on her face said she saw us in conversation and looked like she had questions even but i'd be ignorant about it till she pushes. I briefly washed my hands and proceeded in my order taking mode and brought up her two doughnuts. The catalog came up, and then some pointless back to school grievances since it was now 2 weeks away and she hadn't read any books for the summer. "You don't wanna wait last minute... I'm currently reading the grapes of wrath. I think ill write a thesis on all the religious allegories in it." "Sounds familiar..." Steinback. He wrote of mice and men, the winter of our discontent, east of eden." "Don't know them. Do you keep all your reports on hand?" "Well i remember enough that i could write up some quick notes but you'd still have to do the reading of the plot devices....it's almost the end of my shift so im gonna go mop up real fast. Dont you usually mop on fridays? Thats tomorrow. " Yeah but I wont be here tomorrow, i changed shifts for sunday. But i know that if i don't mop now, it wont get done. Walter hates mopping and i don't want Cassidy to strain herself its a heavy mop to push." She evil eyed me. With nothing but an "oh..." I pretend not to notice and start mixing my chemicals into the water. There was hardly any degreaser in the bottle to add. "Is there not another thing of degreaser? Tiffany?" Tiffany makes no attempt to look up from her phone and just says "that's for the ovens." "I like adding it to the mop water cause it keeps the floor cleaner over time. It's the only reason we don't have to mop everyday." Tiff just shrugs and i'm fixing to get irritated if i have to walk to the storage room myself but luckily, Cass comes over with the new container of degreaser and carries off with the soap and bleach containers." "Did you clock out yet? Don't take off yet. Ill give you a ride. Let me finish mopping." "Okay thanks" cassidy disappears to the back and as i proceed to move the chairs atop the tables, Amanda confronts me in a harsh whisper. " what are you doing? I thought we'd hang out after work. What about those notes?" " but i don't even have time for that today. I have to babysit and do my grandmas laundry. I have to pick it up and drop it off at the senior home. Ill write them for you by sunday." "Well i thought i'd ask for a ride but forget it i guess..." She made it sound like it was my fault she walked over here in the rain nobody asked her to be here. "She's pregnant, she's 17, it's raining, her bus comes 15 minutes after she clocks out so... Since i have my car, I'm gonna give her a ride." She evil eyed me again. But i clacked up the final chairs and grabbed my mop without a pause in between "You're more than welcomed to tag along if you don't make a ruckus. My car can fit the both of you just sit at the back and ignore...Amanda the floor is still wet! Amanda was already sliding the hood of her coat over her head and stomping out the door and out into the rain like i didn't exist. I don't know if i cared enough. Usually when i don't exist im use to it. If i'm ignored, oh well. I was just accustomed to it. But it different when you don't exist to begin with and when you did exist but then you stop existing. While my lack of care and concern was similar something was still off. I packed up my hot coco and warm bagels and dropped Cassidy off it was about 9 minutes. 15 minute bus wait seemed ridiculous but there was only one car available in her family of 4. I considered making an effort to drive her around more in exchange for her bus fair two dollars from her portions of the tips at least. She was delighted and relieved because the other co-workers seemed like asses. " watch your step on the porch its slippery. Good luck at your appointment." "Thanks... Oh by the way. My baby shower..." she didn't even try to rush inside to avoid the rain she just stood outside the car door "Do you want to come if you can get the day off we haven't decided on a theme yet. So we didn't even write up invitations but..." "Sure ill see, just hurry up, its cold or at least get back in the car. " i had to cut her off cause it just wasn't the right scenario having a lengthy conversation as water poured down her forehead, nose and chin like she was under a shower facet. Okay see ya around thanks for the ride. "Sure." i rummage my bagel bag for the cream cheese and a spork given i was free to eat. When I looked back up and see that Cassidy is now sitting on the porch. I wait only a few moments just to be sure she wasn't just waiting on the door to be open as she rested. I imagine pregnancy is exhausting like that. Curiosity became concern and I rolled my window down. "What are you doing Cassidy?" "Nobody is home yet. The door is locked and they didn't know i was gonna be here this early." "Get back in the car then. You should have just told me..." she returns to the passenger side and climbs in "You don't have your own key?" "Well they don't usually leave me by myself at home. They think i'll steal things." she started to breath on her cold fingers just after she had said this so casually, so unhinged like this was just life. "Do you have somewhere to be? I don't want you to be late or anything." she was already opening the door to step out. The bite of bagel i just shallowed wanted to come back up and suffocated me. Not today you yeasty son of a bitch.... "You ask that like i'm gonna just leave you out here. That's not even like a choice. I have to shower and change clothes before going to my baby sitting place. So you may as well come with me. I'll just pop over here on the way." She agreed in relief. I could say nothing else but look in the mirror and make involuntary short glances at her. At her stomach. At myself in the mirror again. It's even a miracle i got home without paying attention to the roads. I was careful enough dwelling on the safety of that unborn baby in my car. Even as a baby sitter, as a caregiver of half siblings and little cousins for much of my life, i never really felt the gravity of my influence and presence. I knew they ate, i knew where they sleep i knew when they lie. Why sticking playdoh inside lego pieces seemed like a cool idea to the 6 year old mind. I didn't know this one. This was maybe the first time my nurturing instincts awoke to this degree. It's my biggest vulnerability. only children and animals can trap me. I didn't like it. But its just my destiny and cross to bare and there's no way out of getting invested now. I hate the rain.
  18. Animal Photography

    In general, I use LR, so I like these free lightroom presets for pet photography http://weedit.photos/2017/free-lightroom-presets-for-pet-photography/
  19. Animal Photography

    Your photos are incredible, you are so talented!
  20. Black Veil Brides

    bvb for life
  21. Count to 10,000

    420 blaze it
  22. o.o

    qt<3
  23. These aren't stories/memory that have any real significance. It's just occurrences from my youth that i want to recount to my soon maturing niece. I figured, well she's not the only teen that needs guidance or a personal story to relate to so it's share time. The first one i shall call... the webster drive youth group. It was summer i was 19, and working at a new dunkin donuts. I had been working for the same chain for a few months only now i had gotten transferred to a different one but still in the same town. I was not initially chosen to be moved but another employee had hesitations. I did not care either way. In my entire lifespan i have been known to be a placid and indifferent individual. I never rooted myself or attached myself to what was familiar and repetitive. I was maybe the only one of the originals in the work group that didn't exchange numbers or socialized freely when it was work time and not my own time. The transfer in itself was no issue i was familiar with what to do, be it inventory, register, cleaning. The weeks of work went by with no real occurrence. There was however a 17 year old girl i worked the same shift with tuesdays and fridays with. She was visibly pregnant and i'd loved to say that i didn't really care either way or i simply do not pay notice, it was not a huge deal to me, i had cousins and the teen girlfriend of my brother that was pregnant. It didn't phase me. I liked minding my own business. Or At least that had always been the case before hand. That changed when THEY entered the establishment one unfortunate day. The Youth group she was acquainted with back in her sophomore year of high school. On the surface they seemed quite, nice and tame and the encounter wasn't odd as the order and service exchanges took place. I was managing the register as she was gathering the requested donuts for their full dozen order. Nothing odd there. It wasn't until i was clocked out and proceeded toward my bike around 6 in the evening that i was approached by 2 of them. A girl and a boy. They seem to want to berate at me about her. About the "sinful tramp." I didn't know what to make of the situation. I don't know them, i don't really know her for that matter. I mounted my bike and briefly explain i only work with her and i no longer even attend high school. They seemed convinced and went on their way. I went to my baby sitting job from there, simple as that, just dismissing it as silly highschool petty nonsense. Sadly i would see the girl again some days latter. Then again and again through the summer of my employment there. She'd smile at me and try to make conversations as i worked while it was not very busy and had a light customer flow. Asked about my college plans and tuition and my babysitting... I forced a fake mannerism of flattery and equal interest but it simply could not have been more obvious that she was going through such a show of fawning over me as she ignored or made no attempt to acknowledge my co-worker. Sometimes she came with a friend. This insincerity made me nauseous. Anyone else may very well be sold on being called cool or pretty but of course i was mute most of my childhood and in social situations now i just rather avoid it then go into it with training wheels. I'm stoic and disinterested but the point seemed to be that they could boast about hanging out with a 19 year old college student all summer... Be it a boring one like myself i was doing nothing but trying to earn my paychecks. I knew i would have to find some way to deter them from me and from making my coworker uncomfortable all together. I would have to do so playing their game. Rest of this story is soon to come.
  24. Music Playlist : 

    Paramore 

    Mayday Parade

    Linkin Park 

    Evanescence 

    [[ indie ]] 

    Ect....

  25. I'm crying lately,  this pain is just too much. I feel like I'm dying lately .Am I human or not? I can't keep up with this race, I can barely look in the mirror ,at my face. Is it horror,  or is it just a bad dream?  I can't seem to control anything. And I'm crying now, crying loud. Why can't I tell? Why does it leave,  this smile on my face, so fake, but not this misery.  Don't show, don't tell. Might as well say my mouth has been sewn closed. Afraid too well, a word to me, a feeling is my grief. Waiting for this delivery, that will seal me into my fate. I can't hide anymore, I can't run, my fun is taken. Give me a moment to conceal, all that I have already hidden away, just one brief moment to convince myself, I'm going to be okay...

    As long as no one hits replay. 

     

  26. Don't Hit 'Replay'

    I'm crying lately, this pain is just too much. I feel like I'm dying lately .Am I human or not? I can't keep up with this race, I can barely look in the mirror ,at my face. Is it horror, or is it just a bad dream? I can't seem to control anything. And I'm crying now, crying loud. Why can't I tell? Why does it leave, this smile on my face, so fake, but not this misery. Don't show, don't tell. Might as well say my mouth has been sewn closed. Afraid too well, a word to me, a feeling is my grief. Waiting for this delivery, that will seal me into my fate. I can't hide anymore, I can't run, my fun is taken. Give me a moment to conceal, all that I have already hidden away, just one brief moment to convince myself, I'm going to be okay... As long as no one takes me there... gravity will keep me down, as a ship in the ocean, and an anchor around me, I'll keep going down, drowning. I'm crying lately, this pain is just too much. I feel like I'm dying lately .Am I human or not? I can't keep up with this race, I can barely look in the mirror ,at my face. Is it horror, or is it just a bad dream? I can't seem to control anything. And I'm crying now, crying loud. Why can't I tell? Why does it leave, this smile on my face, so fake, but not this misery. Don't show, don't tell. Might as well say my mouth has been sewn closed. Afraid too well, a word to me, a feeling is my grief. Waiting for this delivery, that will seal me into my fate. I can't hide anymore, I can't run, my fun is taken. Give me a moment to conceal, all that I have already hidden away, just one brief moment to convince myself, I'm going to be okay... As long as no one hits replay.
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