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MagentaMysticalRose

Just need to get this off my chest

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I'm going through a deep depression right now and I feel like anytime I talk to anyone, nobody seems to understand what I'm going through. They all want me to act happy and fine like nothing is bothering me but I can't do that. I can't just act like nothing is bothering me, it gets so annoying being around people and putting on a happy face and smiling. People keep telling me stop being so depressed, what do you have to be depressed about but they don't know my history. They don't know that I was abused and I was taken advantage of by my ex boyfriend. Sorry if this is too much info to put on this site. I'm afraid to even put this on here cause I'm afraid I'm just going to get some nasty responses in the end and if I do I don't think I can bear it. I've already been bullied so much in my life anyways. I'm in such a vulnerable place right now.

 

Right now I'm putting myself out there. Nobody knows me on this site and probably some people probably don't even care cause they have they're own problems and if they don't care.....than that's fine...I can deal with that. I however am suffering right now cause I've been abused not only once but a few times in my life. My mother is worrying so much about me is kinda making me sick. She keeps threatening to put me in psych wards if I don't start acting happy soon. Why? Cause I'm depressed? I've already been to a place one, I don't want to go again. They put me on medication and I feel okay on it, I'm a little bit happier but deep down inside I still feel a little sad.

 

Putting me on medication isn't going to take away my pain. I actually hate this medication, I hate medication cause of the side effects and cause of the possibly of once you get off of the medication you can withdrawal from it. I know this cause I did research on it. Especially if it's stopped cold turkey. The medication didn't work so now they put me on a mood stabilizer and I'm feeling a little bit better but still come on, more meds?!! The only time I feel happy is when I'm around my friends cause they get my mind off of the negative thoughts. However my mother keeps watching me and I'm an adult and she's treating me like a kid. I'm so close to trying to move out of my house cause I'm deeply afraid that she'll try to put me in the hospital again. Right now I'm so frustrated and all I need is for people to talk too who can talk to me and won't try to push me & be understanding on how I feel. And if you simply don't care how I feel, than simply ignore this thread. Cause I'm not in a good place right now....I'm really not.... :sad:

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I feel ya, I would be glad to help you out and have some personal conversations about your problems to make you feel better and make that pain go away. If you would like to add me and msg me im fine with that! -Bacon Cuddle:3 <3

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