Consuming Addiction

[UnwrittenDead]

When it all started it felt like bliss.
Finally I can have control and feel okay!
That's what I said but it went something more like this....

Take the knife and push it down.
Break the skin, let out a cry.
Move it up or down in a nice slice.
Feel the release, the flood of good feelings.
Watch the blood as it slowly flows out.

See the scars and feel ashamed.
Swear to yourself, never again.
Get upset, have a bad day.
Turn to the knife and do it again.

Knives are old news.
Time for new and thrilling avenues.
Take a razor fine and sharp.
Feel the sting as it slices fast and deep.
See the blood rush out faster than before.
More and more...don't think.
Just fall asleep.

Straight lines, no.
Take it even farther.
Break some glass and take a shard.
Make sure the edges are jagged, good to tear.
Feel great pain as your skin is ripped and torn.
Cry but still feel good, so do it again.

Don't even have a reason.
Don't wait until you feel upset or greatly troubled.
Just cut and cut and cut some more.
Never stop, just keep going.
The scars overlap.
Can't find untouched skin.
No matter..open old ones again.

Life is failing depression sinks in.
All to do is cut and cut again.
WHY CAN'T YOU STOP?
You're too far in.
Want and plead all you need.
The addiction is there and never will it leave.

Even if you learn to stop, the urge will always stay.
You will never get rid of the nagging tear.
You may not cut your body but you still cut your mentality.
Hope and pray for it to go away.
But forever will it stay.
Life will be centered on trying NOT to cut.

 

 

Note: Cutting IS an addiction. Just like you can become addicted to drugs and alcohol, self-mutilation is an addiction. I could go into the science of it saying that when you self-harm a chemical is released in your body but it's simpler to say that it consumes your body and your mind. You can't think around it and your body yearns for it. People that say, "It's not an addiction, just stop doing it. You don't have to." You're wrong. Not only, once you're addicted, do you have to but it's a NEED. Simply stopping is not possible. It takes work, help, and courage. Don't judge self-harmers for something they can't control. Also, before you say the old piece of, "Well they shouldn't have been stupid enough to start in the first place." stop and think a minute of WHY anyone would feel so horrible to hurt themselves, or even kill themselves. IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT. It is the absolute cruelty of other people.

 

 

 

 

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