BipolarBear Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 the shadows rise and once again tourment methe pains in my chest no longer leave me begrowing in weakness i cannot holdthe pains that are growing, but were fortoldmemories replayin the deadliest of waysthe past creeps arounduntill i fall downthen it pounces ontop of me like a lion and a gazelle creating and sealing.. my personal hell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DerdriueBurden Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 I'll protect you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punk301 Posted May 11, 2013 Share Posted May 11, 2013 There was no flow whatsoever. You had spelling and grammar mistakes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
❧Ắṅṅα Aṃṇεṡiα☢ Posted May 11, 2013 Share Posted May 11, 2013 (edited) ^ unless you are a professional poem writer like Edgar Allan Poe, i wouldn't be judging other people's work. There was a flow, and grammar/spelling mistakes? i mean really? everyone makes those once in a while... Edited May 11, 2013 by Rawr c: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punk301 Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 First off, I am published Author. Secondly I'm not judging his work. It's critiquing his work so that he will take it under advisement and produce perfectly crafted poetry. I may come off as cold but I'm being honest and fair. He deserves that much. Thirdly, if you allow spelling and grammar mistakes in a published draft (because that's what posting poetry online is called) you tell the whole world; that your both an amateur and a lazy writer. Yes everyone makes mistakes, but that's what proof reading and editing is for. Lastly, there was no flow. If you have to stop reading in the middle of the poem, to try and figure out what it is the writer is trying to say it destroys the rhythm. Harsh? yes. it would be an insult to him if I lied to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rawr I love you Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 I liked this and if anyone had to stop to think about what he was saying hey their brains get a little workout but I didn't have any trouble understanding this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hi-c Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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