WHAT REALLY CAUSES PEOPLE PAIN ?

[SaveRockMixpop]

shout and cry

these calls don't lie

no

but u don't listen to there meaning

their caution for help.

 

believe not

but believe that our

chains are short and heavy

with burden and pain 

we r part of the government

no

society s

no

life's cruel game.

where we point fingers and blame.

then take pity and bow our heads in shame.

I never asked to be in this game!

 

but sometimes I think

take a few blinks and look at the picture side ways.

yes ways!

way to untangle this puzzle

that holds pricks and thrones.

 

it makes u think

life might not be the master mind to suffering.

but fear is.

 

fear what make people betray

fear what makes people judge

fear is what makes people kill

fear is what controls humans like puppets.

 

we point fingers blindly

not knowing those fingers can be easily cut off by fate.

darkness posses one then another like a disease.

so please come to sense.

it not to be taken lightly.

 

it hides in our screams

in our tears

in our hands

in our ears.

 

overcome fear

win back life.

[punk301]

The poems flow and tone started out nicely then became strangled and disorganized at the last two stanzas. I have a feeling that it was because you got a little too passionate. A common mistake, and not amateurish at all. I will comment on the grammar and spelling. It's too easy to hold the shift hey when you're writing I, or are. That is amateurish. Overall a good poem.

[SaveRockMixpop]

thanks

i like the honesty

it helps me improve ill do better next time k

[Ddraig]

He's kinda right but I liked it