Moira

[catsofanime123]

Pictures not mine, yadda yadda yadda. Tell me what you think, constructive criticism would be nice...

 

 

 

Imagine being me
Imagine us switching places
Well think about this
I wake up from a damn nightmare everyday
I find some sort of motivation to get up and get myself all ready and prepared to face the day
Though I drag my feet because the pain I hold within feels like weights on my shoulders

I finish up and then wait for about ten minutes in the cold and snowy outside world
Wishing I could stay forever, because my heart is about as cold as it is outside
I sit with peers whom majority of them I don't like
Finally arriving at the jail of a "school"
Spending about the first fifteen minutes with the one person you try to get your dirty hands on
I lug myself through four classes with people I utterly despise
In the middle of that I go to a crowded yet excruciatingly lonely lunch

After suffering through a pitiful school session, I get home I immediately run to my only safe place in the downstairs bathroom and lock my door
click
I rummage through the drawers in panic
Searching as if I was finding the medicine that would keep me alive if I only had six seconds to live
Shifting through various cosmetics
Pushing aside hair care products
Until I finally find the small rectangle of pointed steel I was looking for and gave it a kiss of relief
It cuts my bottom lip in the process
"Oops"
I slowly lick the blood off my intensely bleeding lip
I take in the flavour
I savor the taste of my own blood
And I crave for more

I wet my forearms for easier movement
I take my place on the bathroom counter
I star to play "Therapy" on repeat because it's like I'm talking to myself
Therapy I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling through everything

"Smiling" is my simulator
I proceed to slowly mark a smile on my arm
I go off track at the corner of the mouth and have the blade run to wherever it pleases

I start to cry
Not for the cuts
The blade feels nice and painless gliding across my smooth skin
I cry because I feel like a fucking waste of space
I cry of the constant hatred of myself
I cry of the nonstop paranoia I feel because you make me feel like I'll lose the most important thing to me
You make me feel like you'll take him for yourself
You make me feel broken

I repeat what I did to my arm and imitate the infliction on the other
I finish shortly after
The blood stains the sink as I wash off my arms
I fulfill my craving and slide my tongue across the bloodstained blade to save the last drops of beautiful crimson blood from going to waste

I stash the razor back to where it was put last and walk back upstairs, ignoring my happy relatives and sprinting up to my room

I lay awake for a few more hours
Texting the love of my life, and staring at the ceiling

As the lights in the house go out, so do I
He says goodnight
And that's where my real nightmare starts

I start to cry much harder than before
I suffer silently through my misery
Internally screaming
Tossing and turning in my bed
I claw at the sheets
Slowly dying, slowly fading
I wish at this time I'd die
Death would sweep me off my feet and take me home forever

I scream in the lace of my pillow
Screaming and begging for mercy
No...
Stop...
D-don't touch him!
Back away!
GET OUT!!!

I dream of you, taking my life long prize
My happiness...
My sanity...
My life...
And you rip him from my hands
You control him, and he falls for you
He pushes me away and pulls you in for a kiss
He kicks dirt at me and walks away, holding you
I lie where he left me and cry
That should be me!

I then suddenly wake up soaked in tears
I go back to sleep five minutes later
The whole damn thing repeats itself 'til I get up for good
This whole chain of events is like a broken record that nobody will fix or stop playing

It constantly repeats

All day

Every day

This entire thing repeats for me
Every.
Single.
Day.
And it's all because of YOU

So instead of asking the love of my life what my problem is
Try imagining being me