Falling Apart

[Forever_Falling]

Recently I have been feeling more alone, no matter how much I am told i'm not. I don't feel alive, a walking corpse who just can't stay dead. Nothing brightens my day, not the girls I like or my closest friends. Death looks like my best option right now. I can't sleep until three in the morning, the only way i can is if I drink myself to sleep. No one I know can help me because they don't know pain, loss, death, or anything like that. They live great lives, lives I wish I could live. I've talked multiple people out of suicide, but I can't convince myself out of it. 

[nicky224]

I know exactly how you feel, I have been there, we might not have had the same experience but the outcome was the same, not being able to sleep until really late and then hibernating all day. Feeling lost in life, alone--no matter who you are around. Wanting to be free of a hollow, sad, dark feeling that seems to be burrowed inside you. It's hard enough to deal with on your own without others lives coming into play, but when they do, and they seem so perfect and it feels like by them showing the slightest ounce of excitement towards whats happening to them is them flaunting. You become jealous and insecure. What is it about that person that attracts such a great lif?, why do they get the good expierences and i mainly get the bad? why do i not deserve the same?
Truth of the matter is, everyone has problems. Some are better at hiding theirs. Some are in denial. You deserve an amazing life, you just have to believe it. & if bad things keep happening, go out and take it upon yourself to find something good in the world. Use coping methods to get through the hard times, for example mine are watching movies or tv, or reading, sometimes listening to music. It transports me from my reality to someone elses. It can get you through one day at a time.
I was once at a point where i honestly believed death would be my only peace. It was best for not only me but everyone around me. I felt like burden. Like i wasn't a good human being. Like i would never be truly happy.
I went through alot to get where i am now--i still deal with depression but i am so far from that "death is the answer" point its crazy.
Don't give up on yourself or the world.
There could very well be a day in your future you look back and are astonished that you ever had the thoughts you do now. You can have a nice life with smiles and laughter. A life with a love you never imagined. Don't cheat yourself out of that.

 

[Forever_Falling]

I will never be free of this feeling, I lost to much to be able to get free. I watched as my mom died slowly from cancer, nothing could treat her. I was there next to her when she finally left. I can't recall her face, voice, or anything about her. When I was six my dad was so lost without her, He had remarried at this point. He and my new step mom started doing meth. For the next three years my life was hell, I think hell isn't a strong enough word. I was ignored, it was as if I didnt exist. I watched them fight, for reasons I don't know, this was everyday. I would take my brothers outside either in the backyard or on the corner under the street light until they stopped. When they finally quit drugs I was in middle school, where the hell carried over. I was the human punching bag for the school, after awhile I enjoyed the pain. It was the one way people would talk to me so I didn't care what they did to me. I had more nicknames than I could count but the most popular was "anorexic bitch". Eighth grade swung around and I was forgotten what friend i did have turned his back on me. I got to high school, from day one I wanted to get off that bus. All the juniors and seniors carried on my middle school life, because I smiled. Anyone believes a smile, especially when all they know about you is that you smile. I started to smoke pot that year to numb my body to everything, it worked but it made me more depressed. 11 years now and I can't remember what it is like to be truly happy. I don't want to live anymore, I cannot conquer or escape my old nightmares.

[Black Frost]

I know how you feel ive been there at certain points in my life. The best advice I can give is look towards brighter days, it wont feel like it right now but with time things get better. Do you have any younger siblings?

[WasteOfMind]

If you think you will "never be free of this feeling" and that you "lost to much to be able to get free", then you are doing it wrong.

With that kind of mentality, you are right, You never will. But if you want to overcome the dump that life took on you, you gotta be be more positive than you are right now.

 

It can be done, people have overcome much more.

Best of luck.

[Forever_Falling]

If you think you will "never be free of this feeling" and that you "lost to much to be able to get free", then you are doing it wrong.

With that kind of mentality, you are right, You never will. But if you want to overcome the dump that life took on you, you gotta be be more positive than you are right now.

 

It can be done, people have overcome much more.

Best of luck.

 

Thanks, it's so hard to stay positive when everyone brings you down. 

I know how you feel ive been there at certain points in my life. The best advice I can give is look towards brighter days, it wont feel like it right now but with time things get better. Do you have any younger siblings?

Yea, I have three younger brothers.

[Black Frost]

Stay strong for your little bro's mate, they will need you at points in their lives so use that as your motivation for thinking positive. I know it's tough but things will get better (cliche but its true)

[Carpe-Noctum]

I'm Having The Same Problem Right Now, That's Why I Got On EP At 2:30 am, I Know How You Feel, But You Can't Give Up, Find Something That Turns You Away From The Thought Of Suicide.... For Me, I Just Think About How My Family And Friends Would React If I Died, I've Seen 1st Hand How Hard It Is For A Family Member Close To You To Die, I Refuse To Put My Family Through That Willingly.