Destruction

[ladydeath]

                                                                                Destruction

Blood streams down my face as tears fall from my scars and cuts. My cold heart, shattered. My memories are all that's left...since what we had is left behind. I loved you with all my heart, yet to you I was just a game...And I hate the fact, that I don't hate you at all. Unsure and lost you came to me only to break my heart...Now tell me...was this all just a game....? I hate the lies you told me, did you ever love me..? I cry blood for you. Love is destruction.!!

 

I cry blood for you, the tears an endless water fall never to stop..until someone mends my heart..Help me before I fall apart...I fell for you, I fell for your lies. I fell fast and hard. Now I've crashed and burned!  I murmmer your name quietly...Whispering about my pain...So tell me was our love just a game..Death is love, love is death.. Which will come first? And which will be my end....? Love is destruction.!!

Edited January 2, 2014 by ladydeath

[yeswaitno]

This sucks.

Its just so generic. Write about something you actually feel or what youve experienced, not what you thinks sounds "emo".

[colormegone]

Hmmm I don't know if this will help but maybe edit the poem to be a little more emotionally level

if you watch a good dramatic movie you'll find that *most* of the scenes don't involve actors bawling their eyes out because its more emotionally impacting for the audience when they hold back their tears a little. Cause its more real. Genuine art is more powerful.

Maybe you could apply that logic to your poem

 

Your punctuation needs to be taken down a notch. And it needs to be uhh grammatical. This "..!" is just not working for you, neither is "....?". Also the ellipses are being over used for effect which is taking away the effect.

 

I like what you did with the blood and tears mix up. That analogy SHOWS your "lost and unsure", so stop telling us how you feel when you are capable of painting it in our heads.

 

I don't mean to sound harsh, the truth is this poem doesn't suck. There are some promising concepts woven into it, but the concepts are only as powerful as their presentation. Feel free to pm me if you want any help editing/more feedback. I'm starting to ramble haha