Deathly Habits

[xFALLENxISOLATIONx]

Deathly Habits

 

Drugs. Addiction.
Intoxication. Destroy.
What can I do
To make my strategic ploy?

 

The harder, the better-
More destruction to endure.
Yet still, you know
There could never be a cure.

 

Acid. Cocaine.
Heroin. Meth.
I think of no other way
To spell out my death.

 

I sit there, writhing,
Waiting to erupt;
Dreading every day that
I'm forced to wake up.

 

I lay there, fallen.
I can hardly breathe.
Tears fall from my face and
I'm unable to scream.

 

I think, in but a moment,
And close my eyes.
I'm not afraid of my
Fateful demise.

 

I think of my life
And all I have done.
I'm finally on my way-
Away from the sun.

 

In the time I've spent
Just waiting to see
If someone would listen to
My romantic plea of agony.

 

In a flash of only a second,
My world had fallen apart.
I made my mistakes and I have no choice
But to destroy myself part by part.

 

I down a bottle and let the
Multiplier effect take place.
I snort a line and wash the
White off my face.

 

I can't rid this monster that's
Dwelling within.
So I feed it to try to
Make the world spin.

 

By no I've long passed where
The limit used to be.
This is the way that
I am controlled by this disease.

 

I begin my habit and
Hope to God I can continue.
Maybe if I'm depressed enough
I'll get past this feeling of blue.

 

When I'm dead,
I'll finally be gone
And the road I travelled
Won't look nearly as long.

 

I'm fading - quickly -
Turning to gray.
I think I'm finally happy
Knowing I'm going away.

 

I smile in my head,
Thinking about the deed I've done.
I wonder and really don't understand
Why I didn't just use a gun.

 

Pull the trigger

and fire the shot.
Drop the gun,
The barrel still hot.

 

I know that I can

Make it through,
But I also know that's
Not what I want to do.

 

I close my eyes

For the last hopeful time
And finally say goodbye
To this pathetic life of mine.

 

I pass out in hopes
That my heart won't be beating.
And when I don't wake
You'll truly know what I was feeling.

 

I step in sync and have

Approached the ledge.
I've done all I can and have
Stepped off the edge.

 

I've hit the bottom
And know I've reached the end.
People won't ever understand
The message I choose to send.
*******
 

I wake days later
In a hospital ward.
I can't stand, can't see
And remember I've been warned.

 

I have what I think is a nurse
Watching me.
The way she talked and cried to me
Indicated her sympathy.

 

I blacked out and didn't
Remember what happened that night.
I hallucinate in vain,
Though I still have no sight.

 

I walk out
Thinking this is all just a game.
I try to go home but
Nothing is the same.

 

This failure was supposed
To be a sign for me to stay here;
But my experience was nothing
And it won't cure my melancholia, dear.

 

I go to my room and
No one else is home.
I haven't seen then since
My true colors have shown.

 

Abandoned and left
To my own devices,
I go insane and get mixed
In too many different spices.

 

With nobody worrying
And I my biggest fan,
Stagnancy kicks in and
I make a simple plan.

 

I snort a line of coke
And dope myself with crack.
It isn't nearly harsh enough
So I decide to break out the smack.

 

I inhale a handful of pills
And drink so I can smile with delight.
To me, it's the only thing
That's ever seemed right.

 

I humbly smoke until
My lungs feel like they will burst.
Someone, surely,
Would've thought I was cursed.

 

Wondering why he hit me
And those times I decided to go.
When I couldn't stand the family-
Our talks and the way we spoke.

 

Looking in the mirror-
I'm faced with only confusion.
I remember, but deny, the horrid
Substance abusin' illusion.

 

I feel my heart slowing,
Hardly feeling a pulse.
My back arches ugly
And I start to convulse.

 

All alone in death
Like I was in life...
Let me take my final breath
And bury me tonight.

 

This self-harm romance,
That I've held to my head so perfectly,
Is now my help to achieve my dream-
To sleep for all eternity.

 

-Shaylyn Harvey

[SatansLittleGirl]

nice

[Jem]

woah that is good ;o

[thatemochick1022]

thats insane in like the good way!