Summer wastes away </3

[sierra.rideux]

I think to myself as i lay in bed and listen to the rain.."why can't he actually be with me? he says he loves me but does nothing. Am I really that bad?" I feel like summer is already slipping through my fingers like soft, white sand. I can try but it wont stay forever. I think up crazy plots to ask him to be mine but i drop them like a heavy wieght when i realize that theres no way he would even look at me if i tried any of them. My heart pounds wildly as I choke back tears. "I'll never be his girl. He doesn't want me and no other guy would either". I i sming my legs out of bed and walk to the mirror. I imagine how i want to to look, who i want to be. " I'm not thin enough, I'm not strong enough, I'm not dark enough. I'm not enough.period." I think to myself. I wonder what he thinks of me. If he even really does love me. Or if it's the kind of love that a guy has only as a boyfriend for a while but nothing more. I throw myself at the wall and fall into a heap of tears and sobs. I feel pathetic for crying so I suck in a breath and stop even though I'm miserable. I walk back to my mirror where our pictures are pinned. I'm sitting next to him and smiling because I was so happy that day. I kiss his picture then turn it around so i can't see it from the bed. I lay down and pray for sleep to come as my summer wastes away...</3