Silent Rain

[Guest Cutter'sLullaby023]

Here I am, sitting silently.

Here I am, listening quietly.

The rain is pouring hard, 'course I can hear.

The rain is pouring hard, as you see there.

I look out, it's drizzling now.

I look out, and I wonder how.

When I stand in the rain, it makes me feel real.

When I stand in the rain, the water stings because I can feel.

If you see the rain, you can tell it's stopping now.

If you see the rain, you think the clouds are out.

Whats left now, is being saved.

Whats left now, is for the next rain.

[Guest Emo4Lyf]

I don't usually bother commenting on the poems/lyrics cos I'd probably just end up being overly mean but anyways...

 

Cons:

- I don't really find using the same start to each pair of lines artistic at all, I find it plain lazy..

- 'hear' and 'there' look like you were trying to rhyme but they don't

 

Pros:

- I like the second halves to your lines, they work really well with the previous line

- Your choices of rhymes are nice and not random words that just happen to rhyme (which a lot of people do)

- You stay on a fixed topic and detail it, instead off going on tangents because you lack depth (again, a lot of people do)

- I like that the rhyming pattern breaks at the end, good to have a little variety without going completely off base

- It's actually a poem/lyrics instead of just a venting session (which a lot of people do AGAIN)

- Mentions things (such as feeling the rain sting) to give an angle to your poem, yet doesn't go into so much detail that it simply spells it out to someone. It lets you imagine it