Misguided Inside

[xxstarvingthesoulxx]

As I looked out the frost bitten window,

I let my mind wander.

From thought to thought, tear to tear,

you are always with me.

Thoughts of times, when all was sane and calm,

linger only slightly.

Your breathing entrances me,

as I long for a reason,

to not fall towards the sea.

i touch the teeth of the knife, before i make the incision.

But, failing to see the end, I loose control.

With shadowed eyes,

I see my fate, as i sink further into the abyss.

Below me lies nothing,

nothing but empty blackness,

and screams.

the screams all ask why, why i did this.

I wish i could reply.

The nightmare keeps repeating,

over and over,

slowly it changes,

each night reveling something more.

Through the battle, through the pain,

I dance with the devil.

I fall to my knees, and bleed out all my sorrow, my pain.

Nothing helps to win the war.

Maybe my pain will end when i see you again.

Chance are slim, for i could walk thousands of miles,

and never once see you in the fields of asphodel.

Believing in the spirit lost afar,

I give into the subduing pain. It seems to be the only way, to clear

my mind, make leaving easier. I never wanted to but, i must.