Revenge

[EvilActivity]

My mailman is such an asshole. In a job renowned for attracting surly, unstable types, he is the prototype. Granted, being an American mailman in the midst of Summer is nobody's idea of fun, but hey, I didn't force him to take the frigging job.

Despite my "no flyers please" sign on my door, he regularly shoves forests full of junk mail through the slot. This alone would be annoying enough but last week, he pissed me off so much that I've been plotting my revenge ever since. (Let's just all agree from the get go that I have way too much time on my hands.)

 

I had just left the house early one afternoon when I saw him approach. I had been waiting for a certain piece of mail (no, not my pogey cheque) and was anxious to see if it had arrived. I said "Hi. Lousy weather. May I get those from you please?" and stood there smiling with my hand out. He shot me a foul look and said nothing, then shoved past me and pushed my mail through the slot. Then, with one more filthy glance at me, he turned and walked away.

 

Hello?? Does the term "public servant" mean anything to you?

 

I briefly considered buying a big nasty dog, but then hit on a much more elegant (and low maintenance) plan.

 

I'm sure all users of the internet are familiar with those "freebie" sites you send in your mailing address to various manufacturers and they send you free samples of their products. That night (insomnia again), I hit the net. I must have signed up for 400 offers -- everything from free tampons to rolls of free toilet paper and free packs of diapers (which I plan to donate to the shelter). I was online for HOURS.

 

Today, as I glanced out my front window (OK I was laying in wait, I admit it), I was gratified to see him staggering towards the house with an armful of unwieldy packages and oversized envelopes. I slipped out the front door just as he reached it. He glared at me, grunted and said "Here -- take these" -- and offered me the lot. "Oh just stick them through the door" I replied breezily as I skipped down the road, cackling evilly all the while. It must've have taken him 5 minutes to deliver it all . I could hear him cursing from the corner.

 

I figure about 3 more months of this should teach him to mind his manners.

[Gaia]

How someone can be so filled with rage, I will never know.

[Guest DelTFH]

One time I was watching a movie and some guy's phone went off so I went outside and came back with an assault rifle and starting firing at everyone at the theater. That will teach him to be courteous and turn his phone off during the movie.

[Guest]

If you made my job harder than it already was, I would rape you mercilessly. Edited July 26, 2012 by Zane~

[EvilActivity]

Spare me the verbal diarrhea, I've let the mailman step on my toes too many times, these toes didn't have to belong to the foot that was gonna kick his ass later. This only happened because he was taking his insecurities out on me. He got what was coming to him.

[Guest]

Spare me the verbal diarrhea, I've let the mailman step on my toes too many times, these toes didn't have to belong to the foot that was gonna kick his ass later. This only happened because he was taking his insecurities out on me. He got what was coming to him.

 

I wonder what other fallacies you justify with blind indifference and scorn. You sure you're the right person to talk about externalizing one's insecurities? Talk about casting stones in glass houses...

 

Edited July 26, 2012 by Zane~

[Amnesia Haze]

Thou art a blithering ragamuffin, a bounder and a rapscallion of the highest degree. Thou art a pimple on the buttock of the universe, and I henceforth call into question the sexuality of thy father, thou buffoon.

[Amz]

One time I was watching a movie and some guy's phone went off so I went outside and came back with an assault rifle and starting firing at everyone at the theater. That will teach him to be courteous and turn his phone off during the movie.

 

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

 

And actually, this is rather funny. I would have laughed with ya girl.

 

My mailperson is awesome! :3

[EvilActivity]

Dear newbie that registred just to comment on me..... Your approval need not apply. You are a puss filled wart on the armpit of society. You are a verruca on the little toe of civilization. Everything about you screams out "I AM THE WORST HUMAN BEING THAT HAS EVER EXISTED", but to give you that title would be to give you more credit than you deserve. You are not the worst any more than you are the best.

 

You are not even IN the human race. You are nothing. Nobody. Your life has no meaning and no relevance to me. You are noticed by me in the same way a slug is noticed by a man who has just nearly trodden on it. You do not even have the distinction of ruining that man's day. All the attention you get from the rest of intelligent life is a thought like "Oh. Well, never mind." A single, empty thought, and then you are gone. Forgotten. Lost.

 

Your life will not even be recorded as the low point of human existence. Your life will simply not be recorded. Any endeavor you make will go unnoticed by the rest of the universe. You are a fly. You are less than dirt. Dirt has a function. You do not. Even a stopped clock shows the correct time twice a day. You cannot even claim to have this much potential for success with the entire span of your life. You are a dead bird, rotting and festering and covered in maggots, lying alone in a dark, abandoned gutter where no one will see you and no one will miss you. You are the very opposite of hope, success and progress. You are nothing.

 

-Have a pleasent day.

[the darkangle]

My mailman is such an asshole. In a job renowned for attracting surly, unstable types, he is the prototype. Granted, being an American mailman in the midst of Summer is nobody's idea of fun, but hey, I didn't force him to take the frigging job.

Despite my "no flyers please" sign on my door, he regularly shoves forests full of junk mail through the slot. This alone would be annoying enough but last week, he pissed me off so much that I've been plotting my revenge ever since. (Let's just all agree from the get go that I have way too much time on my hands.)

 

I had just left the house early one afternoon when I saw him approach. I had been waiting for a certain piece of mail (no, not my pogey cheque) and was anxious to see if it had arrived. I said "Hi. Lousy weather. May I get those from you please?" and stood there smiling with my hand out. He shot me a foul look and said nothing, then shoved past me and pushed my mail through the slot. Then, with one more filthy glance at me, he turned and walked away.

 

Hello?? Does the term "public servant" mean anything to you?

 

I briefly considered buying a big nasty dog, but then hit on a much more elegant (and low maintenance) plan.

 

I'm sure all users of the internet are familiar with those "freebie" sites you send in your mailing address to various manufacturers and they send you free samples of their products. That night (insomnia again), I hit the net. I must have signed up for 400 offers -- everything from free tampons to rolls of free toilet paper and free packs of diapers (which I plan to donate to the shelter). I was online for HOURS.

 

Today, as I glanced out my front window (OK I was laying in wait, I admit it), I was gratified to see him staggering towards the house with an armful of unwieldy packages and oversized envelopes. I slipped out the front door just as he reached it. He glared at me, grunted and said "Here -- take these" -- and offered me the lot. "Oh just stick them through the door" I replied breezily as I skipped down the road, cackling evilly all the while. It must've have taken him 5 minutes to deliver it all . I could hear him cursing from the corner.

 

I figure about 3 more months of this should teach him to mind his manners.

I think it's a really good plan and funny to

[Amnesia Haze]

Dear newbie that registred just to comment on me..... Your approval need not apply. You are a puss filled wart on the armpit of society. You are a verruca on the little toe of civilization. Everything about you screams out "I AM THE WORST HUMAN BEING THAT HAS EVER EXISTED", but to give you that title would be to give you more credit than you deserve. You are not the worst any more than you are the best.

 

You are not even IN the human race. You are nothing. Nobody. Your life has no meaning and no relevance to me. You are noticed by me in the same way a slug is noticed by a man who has just nearly trodden on it. You do not even have the distinction of ruining that man's day. All the attention you get from the rest of intelligent life is a thought like "Oh. Well, never mind." A single, empty thought, and then you are gone. Forgotten. Lost.

 

Your life will not even be recorded as the low point of human existence. Your life will simply not be recorded. Any endeavor you make will go unnoticed by the rest of the universe. You are a fly. You are less than dirt. Dirt has a function. You do not. Even a stopped clock shows the correct time twice a day. You cannot even claim to have this much potential for success with the entire span of your life. You are a dead bird, rotting and festering and covered in maggots, lying alone in a dark, abandoned gutter where no one will see you and no one will miss you. You are the very opposite of hope, success and progress. You are nothing.

 

-Have a pleasent day.

 

Well I'm just going to assume this is directed toward me, as you provided no name, merely the term 'newbie'.

First of all, do your research. If you had actually bothered to look at my profile, you would see I created this account quite a while ago, and used a different account before this one. So for starters, you are severely misinformed.

 

Secondly, you make the statement that I 'Am not in the human race' while the human race has its problems, I still consider myself part of it, and the fact that humanity is the only sentient and intelligent race, able to use a computer, it should be obvious I am human.

 

Thirdly, you seem to act like you do not care about what I have said, while you obviously do. You use the phrase 'Oh. Well never mind' If this was truly what you thought, you would not have reacted in the way you did.

 

Lastly, I find it ironic the way you talk about my life having no significance, and the fact that my life will go unrecorded et cetera, et cetera, while all the time failing to realise the same could be said of you. You have contributed nothing to society.

 

Now we've cleared all that up, let me just say I find it pathetic how you obviously try so hard to seem intelligent in your posts, yet do nothing but prove yourself to be a moron over and over. If you want my advice, hammer a nail into a wall backwards, then slam your head into it. Then proceed to repeat this infinita temporum.

[endofgreen15]

[PurpleKitty]

xD nice one shawn :3

[Guest]

Dear newbie that registred just to comment on me..... Your approval need not apply. You are a puss filled wart on the armpit of society. You are a verruca on the little toe of civilization. Everything about you screams out "I AM THE WORST HUMAN BEING THAT HAS EVER EXISTED", but to give you that title would be to give you more credit than you deserve. You are not the worst any more than you are the best.

 

You are not even IN the human race. You are nothing. Nobody. Your life has no meaning and no relevance to me. You are noticed by me in the same way a slug is noticed by a man who has just nearly trodden on it. You do not even have the distinction of ruining that man's day. All the attention you get from the rest of intelligent life is a thought like "Oh. Well, never mind." A single, empty thought, and then you are gone. Forgotten. Lost.

 

Your life will not even be recorded as the low point of human existence. Your life will simply not be recorded. Any endeavor you make will go unnoticed by the rest of the universe. You are a fly. You are less than dirt. Dirt has a function. You do not. Even a stopped clock shows the correct time twice a day. You cannot even claim to have this much potential for success with the entire span of your life. You are a dead bird, rotting and festering and covered in maggots, lying alone in a dark, abandoned gutter where no one will see you and no one will miss you. You are the very opposite of hope, success and progress. You are nothing.

 

-Have a pleasent day.

 

Here. Have a corny image.

 

[Amz]

Let's just agree with Dad.

 

It's something that can be taken as funny or insane. Or other things in between BESIDES THE POINT

 

Just read.

[Guest Succubus]

 

I seriously do not even....