Distrubed

[EvilActivity]

I'm sitting here on this couch.

Looking at the floor... I'm staring at a pen

What is that pen doing there?

I should probably pick it up before I step on it or something.

Watch as it happens tomorrow morning go through my foot.

It might be a good idea to pick it up.

Having a pen in your foot must not feel that great.

Never heard of it happening to anyone else but still.

Good question though, "Has a pen ever gone through a person's foot?"

It's likely that there is a statistic about that.

Should I look on google.com?

Nah, it seems like a useless thing to know.

Man is it amazing how technology made data readily available.

A recipe is also next to the pen on the floor.

I don't even know what that recipe is for.

But I know that I liked eating it.

Oh I hope it's cornchip breaded pork.

There are a lot of things that I could stare at in here.

But for some reason I like that pen.

Just looking at it makes me smile.

Because I won't pick it up since I want to see if it will end up through my foot.

That bouncy ball a few feet away seems pretty glamorous.

It's a bunch of silly colors like blue, red, and yellow.

But I like looking at that black pen.

It even has a cap on it too.

Could it still end up in my foot?

Could I slip on that bouncy ball?

Maybe I could slip on it and the capped pen will go through my lungs.

Not likely though since my dresser's corner is blocking the way.

The pen is on the face of dresser and the ball is on the side of it.

Another good visual is that I can open it from here.

I just thought of something funny.

A disturbed cartoon of the incredible hulk... spinning around in circles trying to make a tornado.

He then falls down and lands on a...

...a

...a

aaaa

Pen which is capped by the way.

He goes to the hospital and the incredible hulk throws the doctors as they try and pull it out.

I have just picked up the pen off the floor.

Wow, I wonder if anyone will be motivated to pick up a pen after this?

Who could think that a capped pen was so dangerous?

If it took down the incredible hulk then it must be.

Pipes are bent on his face while people try and hurt him with them.

Did I just butcher the idea of how strong the incredible hulk is?

I'm getting tired now.

Probably time to get some sleep.

Yeah time to call it quits.

What the hell is going on up here in my brain?

I'm just imaginative when bored thats all.

Killing the hulks image that doesn't just happen upon looking at a pen.

Maybe my therapist will look into this...

He will have loads of pens....

Yes he has that Live laugh love mug filled with all sorts of pens...

No he is not the one to talk to.

I need to stop watching 1000 ways to die....

No it's a good show it's the perfect combination of weird and interesting!

They never covered a pen death did they...

Oh wait there was that javelin coach that was impaled in the eye socket!

Yes in went through his eye and he died!

That can happen with a pen!

Now I know! I have always known!

What a waste of time worrying about it!

[EvilActivity]

Working my second job at the bric-a-brac shop today. It’s quiet, and I’m pretty bored; so it got me thinking that it’s time like these that I wish I were to suddenly be ‘reactivated‘ as an undercover secret agent, unsure of who she is, but forced to live on the run, while simultaneously trying to bring down the clandestine organisation that made me what I am. I’d take my boyfriend with me, but he’d undoubtedly be killed before too long so as to give me a death to avenge. Soon after this, I’ll become something of a myth in the halls of this evil agency, and no one will be able to sleep at night, for fear that I’m lurking in the shadows, waiting to punish them for the genetic testing that they put me through. Oh yeah, I was also genetically tested on, by the way....

 

More likely however, is that I’ll sit here for another two hours, then cash up the tills and potter home. Oh well.

[Erasmas]

"It's likely that there is a statistic about that." -- I laughed. XD

 

Also, if you're looking for a death to avenge and a convenient plot twist -- perhaps you were brainwashed in a trance so that you killed him yourself, then when you wake up you find him dead and vow to kill his murderer. Storyline unfolds, etc., etc.

 

I'm just saying, if you're going to avenge a death, you should also be selfish enough to make yourself the character performing the original murder. XD

[EvilActivity]

Brain washed.... Yes I wanted to convey that with an emergency hotline for some thing like that... I was on hold for twenty minutes, they played some bizarre noise reminiscent of the old Internet dial up tone. As I was too lazy to endure the arduous torture of holding my phone up to the side of my face, I decided to plug it into my earphones, meaning that I could hear nothing but the robotic white noise reverberating through my skull.

 

After about the twenty third minute, most of my flesh and internal organs had been replaced by cold metal, silicon wiring, and motherboard microchips. This was a great inconvenience, as when the representative from the hotline finally answered the call, I was only able to communicate in a series of ‘boops‘ and ‘beeps‘ that she, if I’m quite honest, made no effort to translate before hanging up the phone.

 

This wasn’t too great an annoyance, as I was then able to synchronise my mind with the phone itself, and transport my consciousness onto the internet and into the phone company’s registry network but after the completion of this task, I realised that the internet is a phenomenally large place, and I have as of yet been unable to relocate my physical body.

 

I’ve enjoyed my time existing on the internet. Some of the more primitive, obsolete computer programs have begun to think of me as a goddess, and have awarded me unfettered access to all of the premium websites. I have also been able to instantaneously read all of Wikipedia and watch all of YouTube and have thusly concluded that sharks are scary, and cats are adorable.

 

I’m not sure how long one can stay in this incorporeal fashion, before being converted to pure raw data energy, but I should have time for a few quick emails before I start to bec0me c0mple1e1y au10n0m0us 0nd 10001101111001011001111011011011.

[Erasmas]

I'm not sure how you're doing all this without experience extreme pain from anti-virus programs removing you from various servers and computers.

[EvilActivity]

I like the pain... Oh my, It seems to me its time to come out and tell everyone i'm bi – nary…..

[Erasmas]

Actually, you're more logically ternary if you're the Goddess as they said you were. Binary is only the second-best number base, both logically and mathematically (unless by mathematically we mean for humans, in which case dozenal is the best!). So you can't be binary. You have to be ternary. Too bad that doesn't fit with the joke. Tsk, tsk.

[EvilActivity]

I like 1's. I like 0's I like sticking 1's into 0's I like it all! I am Androidgenous!

[EvilActivity]

OMG FUCK YOU TRIPLE PLAY.....

 

So I’m clicking around on Amazon, looking to buy some new DVDs. I’m actually buying Blu-Rays, but it makes me feel pretentious to call them that, because it basically implies that yes, I do have a 42 inch HD plasma screen, so I’ll keep calling them DVDs for now. Anyway, so I’m buying Blu-Rays (I don’t have to hide my success from you losers), but all I keep finding is these bizarre Triple Play sets. Basically it means that if you want to buy a movie on Blu-Ray, you also get the DVD version, and the digital version of the same movie with it.

 

That makes sense. Because sometimes when I watch a film in HD, I think to myself “Now what would that exact same film look like in slightly lower resolution?”. Then, after another two hours of watching the film I just watched, I think to myself “Now what would that look like on a small laptop screen, as opposed to a 42 inch HD plasma screen, with tinny sound and a dulling backlight?”

 

Now perhaps it’s because three members of the same family want to watch the same film at the same time, but in order to maintain an appropriate hierarchy, they have to watch the film in varying qualities. Perhaps the man of the house gets the Blu-Ray on the plasma screen, the wife gets the DVD on the small TV in the kitchen or bedroom, and the son or daughter has to watch it on their computer with headphones. I don’t know, I’m not a doctor.

 

What I do know is this. Triple Play box sets are a stupid idea

[Erasmas]

I thought it was so you could buy the Blu-Ray version for yourself and give the other versions as gifts to your poor friends.

[EvilActivity]

Oh my friends are not into stoner films like Dazed and Confused or The big Lebowski. Maybe pinapple express or Friday after next but not the classics... :[

[EvilActivity]

There’s a little charity competition thing going at work at the moment, where customers can pay a dollar to ‘name the teddy bear‘, and the best name entry gets to keep it.

 

Anyway, I was having a peer through all the entries today, and some absolute ass hat has entered the name Serendipity.

 

For a teddy bear. Serendipity.

 

Oh, aren’t you so quaint and thoughtful? How about ‘Whimsy‘, or ‘A Dream, Perchance‘, or ‘Autumn Smile‘, or ‘Flecks of Memory‘, or ‘I Went to The Park Today, and An Old Man Whispered Soft Things to me Before He Passed Away in My Arms‘.....

[EvilActivity]

WELL I AM PISSED OFF.

 

 

 

While watching some rubbish on 4oD, it reached the halfway point, meaning some fifteen second adverts were going to pop up and irritate me, which I had to sit through. It was during one of these advert breaks that my glazed over brain was suddenly awoken, just in time to hear The Black Eyed Peas being referred to as “the biggest band in the universe” in an advert promoting their album.

 

Now please correct me if I’m wrong, but I really feel that until space exploration fully opens up, the media should refrain from such uninformed exaggeration. First of all, as out of touch as I am with the human race, I’m not sure they’re even the biggest band in the world, not to mention the fact that that is a fairly impossible to determine statistic… But the universe? How the hell do The Black Eyes Peas’ marketing team know that? At what point did they secretly unlock interstellar travel and assert that while The Flaming Quatloos on Planet Majoris-14F were surely on the rise, they hadn’t quite topped the current success of a band who, as far as I am aware, have only released the three shitty songs that I can name off the top of my not-remotely-bothered head.

 

Oh, and by the way… The “biggest” band… “biggest”…

When in the hell did the meaning of that word change!? Because Blazin’ Squad had about fifty members (one hundred if you include their court appointed probation supervisors), and I’m sure certain african tribal bands would top even that… So how a group consisting of one stick-her-out-front bimbo, one guy who needs to stop for a couple of breaths in the middle of spelling his own name and two personality-less droids that at best, will one day be given actual names, and at worst will simply serve to be the ‘black eyed’ part of the group, any time Fergie and Will.i.am. get a bit bored and decide to bash the fuck out of their spineless pets, can hope to be called ‘the biggest band in the universe” leaves me ludicrously under-whelmed!

[EvilActivity]

In response to my poor single friend...

 

There's plenty of other fish in the sea... So get out there and bag yourself some of those sexy, sexy fish.

[EvilActivity]

Two days of organizing bake sales to support the childrens hospital. Never touched anything but I still feel like I contracted the diabetes anyways. I feel like a bear hitting hibernation. Hang in there little ones... It's just a cat nap.

 

[Xx_Storm_xX]

I never knew a capped pen was so dangerous. O.o

[EvilActivity]

I am sorry but sometimes I just cannot put a cork into my natural tendency to care for people [who are kind-of special-to me] too much. I over react most of the time. You can’t blame me (okay blame me, but don’t shout all right?) since their way of announcing that something bad happened to them is just pretty scary at times.

 

Exhibit A

 

Brother called.

 

Brother: “Sis, (cough), I…(couGH), I am si…(COUGH), sick…(COUGHS!!!)”

Me: What? Are you okay? Who’s with you? Hello? Did you take some meds? Hello? Hell—HELOOOOO???

 

Ending: I did not attend my class during that morning and ran like hell to my brother’s apartment to save the day! I arrived with beads of sweat on my face, carrying edible food from Jollibee complete with fruits (apples and oranges) and medicine and some bottled water too but it was too late…

 

I saw him there, lying…

 

 

…in front of the TELEVISION! Watching some obscure lunch-time TV show with girls gyrating uncontrollably.

 

Bro:Hey Sis, you’re here finally! Hello!

Me: I thought you’re…sick.

Bro: Yeah I am. Just flu. But I decided to take my sick leave. I haven’t used them anyway. By the wa—Oh, are those breakfast? I’m starving, thanks sis!

Me: (Violent smoke belched from my nose)

Bro: You didn’t go to class? (already chewing pancakes) Anyway, thanks sis. Go home now. (chew). Thanks for these meds too.

Me: Pay me.

Bro: What? (chew)

Me: Pay me.

Bro: (Continued chewing)

Me: GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY OR I SWEAR IM GONNA TAKE MY PANCAKE BACK!

Bro: All right then. Let me just finis—-

 

END OF THE STORY

Sigh. Why do I always fall for these softies? Sometimes my brain cannot identify which is hokum from genuine. Because again, I think I over-believe in the humanity of people, their kindness, their concern, their friendship, their relationship with me…But alas, I still fall for their fake-ry.

 

Exhibit B:

 

My lab partner and I were talking while drugging our frogs.

 

Me: So you were telling me that you miss your dad. Why? Is he working abroad?

Lab Partner: (Serious face) No. He works here. But his work is…kind of…illegal.

Me: Oh. Illegal? Okay.

 

(Silence)

 

Me: So what job is it specifically?

Lab partner: WHY WOULD I TELL YOU? I ALREADY SAID IT’S ILLEGAL!

Me: Oh.... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be pervasive.....

(…)

Lab partner: Hey.

Me: (Awkward) Yeah?

Lab partner: You actually believed that? Goodness! I was kidding! You are SO NAIVE you know that? SO SO NAÏVE! (laughs)

Me: (Violent smoke belched from my nose)

Lab partner: Hey (poke!) hey (poke), are you mad?

Me: CAUSE YOU LOOKED SO SERIOUS! I really thought it was true…I thought you won’t lie to me, to us! (plus the frogs).

 

END OF THE STORY

[NotYourAverageBitch]

wow. That reminds me of the time that my brother convinced me I was adopted.

Storytime:

 

Bro: Charly gimme back my gummy bears.

Me:No! (while chewing the heads off multiple blue ones)

Bro: I'mma tell Mom!

Me:No you won't, she'll just take them away from you too!

Bro: If you gimme them I'll tell you a secret.

 

So me being intrigued I handed over the gummies and he whispered......

 

Bro: Mom told me to never tell, but since when did I ever listen to mom blah, blah, blah. blah

by this point I had been droning out whatever stupidity he had been ranting.

Me: JUST SPIT IT OUT!

he spits out a gummy bear. I punch him

Bro:Your adopted!

and then he takes a run for it.

and that's all it took for me to believe that I was adopted for like 4 months until on my 10th birthday I asked my mom about my "Real Parents"

Which of course turned out to actually be my mom.

 

I am so gullible. It's a curse truly!

[EvilActivity]

I think all siblings say something scary like that to some degree. My half brother always told me I was really an alien from another planet. That my therapists were'nt case workers helping me with my trauma but evil lab coat scientists expirimenting on me and I belived him. T.T' We just don't know any better cause we're just little kids at the time... waiting for Santa and the easter bunny... the kool aid man... >.>

[EvilActivity]

You’ve lived a haunted life

Tried to imagine how I’d feel

If I was thrown into the public eye

Before my wounds had healed

 

The way you flashed us with your

Scars and told us about your rules

Like we were students in your “how-to-be-dramatic” little school

 

Now I can understand how

After all that you’ve been through

You’d lock yourself inside

Waiting for us to come and rescue you

 

But what I can’t fathom is

While imprisoned in yourself

You wouldn’t ever take a look around

Just blame everyone else

 

Pulling the “look-at-me-I’m-hurt” card

Got your friends that wouldn’t dare

Question any little tantrum

No, halfway – they would meet you there

 

Your lover fears your reactions

He’s like a puppy on a leash

He doesn’t tread outside your boundaries

Without saying “please”

 

Now I can understand how

You’d be scared to trust again

Seeing on fame would be a magnet

For the tensions he confronts.

 

But what I can’t fathom is

If your friends lie to keep you calm

You wouldn’t ever ask yourself

Who they got that idea from

 

I could be scared of you

I would cater to your needs

Your dominating ways, my overwhelming fear of conflict feeds

But I’ve learned not to get involved

By admitting more about myself

Takes one to know one honey, trust me take a look inside yourself

[EvilActivity]

Celest: what happened to my dad?!

 

Me: Didn't you read my text? I done told you he got the breath knocked out of him.

 

Celest: Oh what happen? it's not serious right?

 

Me: Remember when you told your dad not to skate on the skating ramp? Well he tried to skate on the skating ramp.

 

Celest: oh god this stupid uncle of yours....

 

Me: So.... When ever he does something stupid he is MY uncle....

 

Celest: He doesn't even know how to stand on a skate board! Much less ride on the ramp! that's Junie's ramp for pratice.

 

Me: He was actually on the little red kiddy wagon and then he just fliped off and I draged him to the couch.

 

Celest: hey that sounds like fun! I wanna try it.

 

Me: I don't know if you should. I was trying to tell him that you can't leverage a wagon like a skateboard. Total design flaw.

 

Celest: run some water on it, I'm gonna get the surfboard!

 

Me: But I Dont think....

 

Celest: Go hurry!!

 

Me: celly the water pressure from a garden hose isn't going to...

 

Celest: It doesn't matter as long as it's a little slippery right?!

 

WHOOHOO!! *SLAM* *SQUUUUEEEEEEK* OWWW! FUCK!!!

 

Me: well atleast I learned a lesson about genetics today....

 

Celest: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HELP ME!!

[EvilActivity]

A week ago I received an unexpected text from none other than

epic-shouldered Italian Clark Kent…(Formentioned in Shoulder Angel Vs Shoulder Devil)

 

CK: Kirkland signature 100%pure grade A dark amber Maple Syrup made in Canada… What do you think?

 

Again with the Maple Syrup?

I think this discourse was tired 2 months ago, and you’re grasping at straws.

 

Me: Sounds like a winner. I’ll give you my assessment after I swim in a vat of it in a month from now.

CK: In a month from now? Where are you now?

Me: In Conneticut but in about a month I am leaving for Vermont.

CK: Leaving forever or what?

Me: Yes of course. I have some business to take care of, then in the spring I am buying an eco-house on a small island on the west coast.

 

LONG pause…

 

CK: Great! So we got to set up a big welcome back party!

 

Ya ok, I’ll bring the maple syrup you bring the bullshit. More invites you can solicit then subsequently refuse. This is so old. Reply not worth the finger exercise....

 

Speaking of finger exercising my friend ‘Mr. Frozen Vegetable’ (also formentioned) finallybecame tired enough to stop sending me his brilliant, daily one-liners ie. “Ciao Bella” via cell phone. It could very well have had to do with me telling him I was going back toThe United States, him promising me an evening out when I returned, then me admitting I had no desire to have sex after said outing. Alas, problem solved and 15 seconds of my valuable time unwasted. Why didn’t I think of it sooner? Keep your socks on for somebody else.

 

Well now I'm back in the states see, Sooo a few days ago as I hitched a ride into town with my dog’s vet. As she parked in front of the train station to make a brief pit stop in order to meet with a client, and exited the car, I looked out the passenger side window to see she had parked behind another car… and noticing the driver (looking rather familiar) as he exited… a crappy BLACK Fiat?

Shit.

There he was. Roberto, sexual tape-worm, (Yes... he too is formentioned...bloody fucking hell!) driver of NOW, black crappy Fiat. As he walked over, his hotness was visibly noticeable and utterly undeniable. However hotness in no way will ever over shadow the grand douchbaggery or the exaggerated heebie-jebbieness of this epic creep.

 

As he approached the window, I had no worries over censoring the words that were about to come out of my mouth from that moment forth. I was so fucking cool…

 

R: Hey, how are you? Listen I’m sorry about how it ended.

Me: I’m great thanks. Um, I’m not. You’re a big fat liar, you know? It’s not just random lying either, you lie about EVERYTHING. It’s like you have this mental problem and have no capacity to differentiate between truth and falseness. What are you doing here? Trolling for chicks as always?

 

Long pause while autopilot bullshit prepares for lift-off …

 

R: Just came here to meet-up with a friend. No… come on, that’s not true. What are you doing later? How about I come over to your house later this evening.

Me: Yeah actually it is, I think it’s a mental disease you harbour in your brain. You're a parasite. And no, you’re not coming over. I am busy preparing a move With my sister.

As we spoke he smiled while maintaining a perfect vacancy behind his eyes…

 

R: Really, you’re staying? Why? You didn’t like Canada? I am sorry about how things ended, how about I come over? We can talk and get together for a drink. What about tomorrow night?

Me: I love Canada, To be fair I love America too, it’s the ignorant masses I am not so sure about. As I said, I’m not sorry… And no I’m busy, My friend Issac is coming from Jersey.

R: Is he your boyfriend?

Me: YES. So goodbye, it was nice speaking to you again. Good luck and have a nice life.

 

 

What the fuck is going on in my horoscope this month? I can't even comprehend why I'm turning into some kind of soap opera. I perdict a melt down in the very near future...

 

Brace Yourself for Hurricane Williany Diedre peeps! >.>'

[EvilActivity]

Lately I had been feeling somewhat twilight-zoned back in my own country, a mere alien in my own land. I get the ‘stumped game-show contestant’ look whenever I ask servers for mineral water or pronounce Italian food items correctly with an Italian accent. My only solace has been remembering how to order a Starbucks coffee ie. “Solo grande, non-fat Lactaid latte.” 4 years ago it took me a month to learn it, and I thought that was about as complicated as it was ever gonna get. (Try that tongue-twister out for size bitchez.)

 

While back in NY after a late dinner at a downtown eatery with Lou (an actual blood-relative and one of my best gfs) we found ourselves at a lounge 2 blocks away, slinging back vodka martinis and emasculating the men in our past relationships in true city-girl form. We later ventured down the street to a popular neighborhood tavern for some last-call quality time. As I looked around through glassed-eyes I wondered what else I had missed in the fishbowl of single life back in the big city, and if anything had changed during my absense.

 

During my hazy, contemplative state, a very cute 30-something Irish carpenter holding up the bar a few feet away from me struck up a conversation.

 

The highlights went a little something like this…

IM: I think you’re really hot.

ME: Oh…. thanks, that’s a nice compliment.

IM: So Italians must be great lovers huh?

ME: Hahaha! Are you joking? Don’t even get me started. They couldn’t find a woman’s equipment with GPS and an electron microscope.

IM: Really?

ME: Really. It’s a myth.

IM: So much for the stereotype. I have a big cock.

 

You don’t say?

 

Needless to say I didn’t fall to my knees and beg him to prove it by slinging his manliness over the bar, or impaling me on the stool in front of the other patrons, despite the fact it could be a ‘long, dry season’ and there is no telling when would be the next time I would be getting any.

Me: Really? Well, congratulations.

IM: Let’s go get another drink on Spadina.

Me: But it’s already last call. Wait, you mean like at an illegal booze-can? Can’t. I am the designated sane one in my group of 2. Look at her, I gotta get her home. I am responsible for making sure we don’t end up in prison or in an ambulance.

IM: Come home with me then. You’re hot. I really want to fuck you.

 

 

So is this how we roll these days in the ‘getting-to-know-you?’ No relaxed coffee dates with a stroll in downtown core? Or casual informal dinners at local eateries? We just get pissed, cut to the chase and exchange body fluids like library books?

 

In that case it is indeed going to be a long, dry season…

Edited January 31, 2013 by EvilActivity

[EvilActivity]

If you must know, I like a guy who…reads.

Yeah, reads.

I’m not trying to call you a chauvinist,

Because I know that you’re not alone in this,

But I’d like a guy who reads.

Who needs the written words

and who uses the added vocabulary

he gleans from novels and poetry

to hold lively conversation

in a range of social situations.

I like a guy who reads,

whose heart bleeds at the words of Graham Greene…or even Heat magazine.

Who slides back his hair when he’s reading Jane Eyre

and who goes cover-to-cover with each Waterstones 3-for-2 offer.

But I want a guy who won’t stop there,

I want a guy who reads,

who feeds his addiction for fiction

with unusual poems and plays that he hunts out in crooked bookshops

for days and days and days.

he’ll sit addicted at breakfast,

soaking up the back of the cornflakes box

and the info he gets from what he reads makes him a total fox.

Because he’s interesting and he’s unique

and his theories make me go weak at the knees.

I want a guy who reads.

A guy whose eyes will analyze the menu over dinner,

who’ll use what he learns to kick my arse in arguments so he always ends the winner.

But he’d still be sweet and he’d still be flirty,

’cause he loves the classics

and they’re pretty dirty.

And that means late at night he’ll always have me in a stupor,

as we re‐enact the raunchy bits from the works of Jilly Cooper.

See, some guys prefer arses,

some prefer tits,

and I am not saying that I don’t have those bits.

But what’s more important, what supersedes

is a girl with passion, wit and dreams.

So he'd too like a girl who reads.

[Painted_Whore♥~]

When I read the title, I thought of the band. I was mistaken.