I wish I were mean enough to make this title your name.

[dontaskmewhyjustfrickingsmile]

I was so dumb.

I was learning love.

I was so broken.

I thought you would fix me up.

But the entire time,

I placed my heart on the line.

And you killed it for the moment.

That's a lie.

Because it takes longer than half the amount of time "we" were.

See how I cringe at the word.

And you didn't deserve a thing I said.

I told myself that inside my head.

But you were a boy.

You did what boys do.

You made me feel like shit.

As if it were my fault.

But you knew.

So you answered my calls and let me cry.

I still don't understand why.

I swear I wouldn't have fell,

If it weren't for your eyes.

I vaguely remember Valentines day of 2010.

Because I traced your name in the snow on my window sill high up above the ground.

I made a silent wish that the thought would be found.

And it was.

And then it was thrown out of the window of a hippy van speeding fast.

I bet it was the night after the dance.

Because the memory of it was drained from my mind the second I left.

And I racked my brain just to forget.

I wrote you more letters than you really deserved.

And I couldn't take a hint when you told me they were too long.

I really only remember in bits and fucking pieces.

I stood with a white flower in the stairwell,

waiting.

I'm not waiting anymore.

I waited everyday.

every.

day.

The memories of you are pretty hollow.

They're fake.

They're plastic in every form.

I didn't know you.

You never knew me.

I was stupid.

I was a dumb girl learning love.

There was nothing.

After a year of stalking,

I left you alone.

And if I ever come back to that cozy town to visit,

Maybe I'll have the courage to see the gate to your house and keep out.

Edited October 3, 2011 by dontaskmewhyjustfrickingsmile