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There was a girl, crazed look in her eyes. So much had happened throughout her life. Mommy on drugs, daddy always away. Growing up fast, struggling with the pressure. There was a girl so innocent and sweet. Only a matter of time and she'd start to be beat. Home everyday to the lectures and screaming. "Go get changed and start the cleaning!" Momma always said work comes before school. Slowly her grades plumeted to 0.2. Mommy's a drunk now and she never sees dad. Different men being brought home, moms new lovers she assumes. They start out alright but as time goes by, they are just as abusive as mommy.. Its a never ending fucking fight! Mom not coming home for multiple nights, leaving her kids but to her it's alright. Not that they minded because that was their break, but when she came home wasted as ever. Things would get bad and it never gets better. Guilt trips pulled, it's all their fault. Never the moms.. isn't she supposed to be the adult? There was a girl so hurt and broken. Filled inside with countless emotions. She thought about so many things she should say. But when it came down to it in her mind it remaind. Downhill the further she went, imprisoned in her own self resentment. Depression, Anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorders were next. Then came self mutilation through various ways. Suicidal thoughts became an everyday thing. Contemplating death, isn't it a beautiful thing? Here she grew into a sad excuse for a person. Here she's wondering if life is even worth it. The pain, the anger, the hopeless feelings. Is this temporary or a permanent thing? Does it get better or is this how it remains? Does this nightmare ever have a happy ending? Will mommy get better, will she get to see dad? Can she be happy, can she put it in the past? Only time can tell how this story will end, and that is how her story begins.

Where is my strength? When I need to grow larger then this seed I'm stuck in it seems my roots won't take to the soil I have been given. Fear of breaching the surface, facing the sunny sky's my one life has to offer me. Fear of the raining storms and freezing conditions I must survive in. I keep getting small bits of water, barley enough to survive. I know there is more up there but the solitude and warmth here pleases me. Who needs to grow anyways? If I don't things will never, ever change. I will never feel the warmth of the sun, nor the heat of the sweaty palms that picks me out of love for another. I will never blossom to my full potential or feel the tears of joy from the families who've gained a new life. I will never feel the pain of a child stepping on me or the wind that so graciously brought me to this very spot. I will feel nothing outside of this lonely shell ever and I can't handle the idea of never experiencing anything. Even if I am a little weed in this world full of roses and daisies I must know what its like to be picked, looked at and cherished even if its only for a few seconds. Because I am a flower and despite what I may become I was made to grow. I think my roots jut took to the dirt.

Where is my strength? When I need to grow larger then this seed I'm stuck in it seems my roots won't take to the soil I have been given. Fear of breaching the surface, facing the sunny sky's my one life has to offer me. Fear of the raining storms and freezing conditions I must survive in. I keep getting small bits of water, barley enough to survive. I know there is more up there but the solitude and warmth here pleases me. Who needs to grow anyways? If I don't things will never, ever change. I will never feel the warmth of the sun, nor the heat of the sweaty palms that picks me out of love for another. I will never blossom to my full potential or feel the tears of joy from the families who've gained a new life. I will never feel the pain of a child stepping on me or the wind that so graciously brought me to this very spot. I will feel nothing outside of this lonely shell ever and I can't handle the idea of never experiencing anything. Even if I am a little weed in this world full of roses and daisies I must know what its like to be picked, looked at and cherished even if its only for a few seconds. Because I am a flower and despite what I may become I was made to grow. I think my roots jut took to the dirt.

This is a poem/story I wrote not too long ago. Enjoy~ A cold, dark, lonely room, Empty, devoid of life Save for one soul A girl sits, huddled in her corner Pale moonlight spilling in through the window adjacent to her Licking her toes Her arms are wrapped around her knees Tears are slowly streaming down her pale cheeks Yet, she feels nothing There is not a sound But yet so many in her head All the voices, all the memories Will never leave her mind She grips her leg at this thought So hard, Wiling the thoughts to empty out of her mind So hard, Invisible blood leaks from her wounds Internally For the girl can no longer bleed at all She is waiting, forever watching the world Through cold and uncaring eyes She can never be part of it She can never be who she once was Back when she was alive Back when she was whole She is doomed to this eternal existence This is truly no existence at all, She cannot feel But yet she weeps For the memories are so strong So potent It feels as though she can reach out and touch them To be alive again To feel the warmth of the sun Rather than the endless cold For many years, She simply watched Watched her family grow old Moved on, Without her Her mother never stopped crying Eventually, Her father’s alcohol addiction proved fatal He was never much of a drinker Till his daughter killed herself On that tragic day, He became wild, violent So uncaring, Her mother confined herself to her bedroom Not eating, Nor drinking Nor living, Her brother began to experiment with poisons A taste the tongue could not acquire enough of “It’s just a cut” His sister had said to him “It really helps me” “But it hurts me”, He had said to her Just a cut Just a scratch Where did it all begin? When did she grow so cold? It was just a cut They were just words But now she watches, So lifeless, No one took notice Of the soul that slowly withered inside Everything had been burned away Crumbled to ash Belongings left to dust That day the bullet entered her brain, Her room remained the same Although her brother often entered Held her photo And cried, He touched her things He tried to never forget Those wounds that ripped open Just by looking Her smell was fading Dust collected on her things, Slowly, Her brother stopped visiting, The room was boarded up, Left to rot Memories left to fade, Please don’t forget me, She pleads to the empty house She watched, Helplessly She watched her mother slowly faded away Something akin to death Lonely So cold So broken Forever broken Her best friend always blamed herself And became so reckless Pregnant at 19 years old, No father to be found Eventually, she overdosed On heroine Died in a cold dark alley One snowy Christmas Her child frozen in her arms The bully never forgot what she had done Never forgot anything Not a single word Started cutting words into her skin All those words, that helped her sin Went to therapy But not much worked Forever awake Never to sleep again The girl remembers the day That she died It was no quick deed But over time With every word A little more of her died Till she was just a husk An empty shell of a person The teachers noticed the signs But never acted “It’s just a phase.” They all had said They had seen the cuts They had seen the scars on the girl’s wrists They will never forget The regret will never fade The boy that had secretly admired her Keeps her picture tucked under his pillow And whispers to it every night “If only I had said something sooner” “No.” The girl whispered at last This can’t be right. She had never intended All of this She just wanted relief For the pain to end Never did she think That she would hurt so many The object of nightmares and regret No This was never how she wanted to be remembered She wished She could have told mom “It was never your fault.” And that she loved her And that she loved dad He was not the weak one She wished she could tell her brother “Drugs are more harmful to the body than cutting”, “Please don’t destroy yourself anymore” She wanted to tell the teachers It was her fault for not speaking up She longed to whisper to the bully “I forgive you.” “Don’t end up like me.” She wished to tell her best friend, “Everything will be okay.” She wanted to tell the boy “It’s okay. I will never forget you.” More than anything She wanted to tell them all “Please live, and never forget me.” If only they knew How badly she wanted them to live Because life is precious And she had wasted it Each tear, Another regret, Another memory, That slowly fades into nothing Now she sits, All alone As the world keeps turning In an empty house Full of regret Full of longing Staring out the window Remembering what had once been Her life

Days of distance in a year Decade grim with drawing near In the line they were a gift He called the swifter dawn his fear But only then would he take flight The bloody rise of sky's so clear The red he prayed was not his own He called the swifter dawn his fear And he's been torn, and he's been sewn He had no reason to be told But once the raven called him out He thought it might as well be shown If all is good and all is gold, Where's the heart he had to hold? Desperation of the fate Exhaustion of the young and old And now it's found to be to late And he's nobody to console... And as the final sun had died And as the final set was near He knew it wasn't final then He called the swifter dawn his fear ------------------------------------------------------------------------- yosiejosie

The bread has a bed inside of my head While they sing to the dead for nights on end. Nobody knows how the melody goes But the power, it grows, from their heads to their toes And then we awake to the smell of the cake We decide to bake, lots of sweets we will make. I follow you home, where you're completely alone You're chilled to the bone and your reflexes are slown. Becoming as cold as slate, soon seeing the gate, One little mistake, your final request to 'wait' In a quick little flash, everything turns turns to ash No victor is here, what remains is fear There hardly was a clash, and I leave with a dash No one will cheer, but now on others we leer This isn't the end, and none can defend Against our neverending fight to show them the light

You're not coming home, And I'm trapped here Torn between life and death, I stay because you left me Dangling from that rope, I can't go down there anymore. I don't even feel alive, Of course you don't either. Swimming in the claret water, It's the only way to stay alive. The razor's edge is my paddle, Living on borrowed time. I'm still here because you left me, Why couldn't it be me instead?

My mother's lips move but all I hear is thunder The hollow sound of her heavy smile mimics laughter As it echoes far away in my head I run outside, her memories chasing me The rain kissing my barbed-wire skin With ice, creating a new layer of fragility Over my glass-cut suit of armor Lightning laces the sky and shocks my heart Destroying every reminder of staying strong The salt of the rain creates a river of emptiness Revealing who it is I look like for the first time I am too shy to cry in front of the mirrors That drown me in her yesterdays, those reflections Whose eyes I try desperately to avoid The same way my older brother looks away from me And when mourning comes once again I have to refrain from using the jagged edges Of broken silhouettes to cut off my face and remove The burden of wearing the woman I didn't love enough

http://israblog.nana10.co.il/blogread.asp?blog=827184 My friend writes poems in hebrew ! She's 17, she's pretty good and I love that she writes them in her mother tongue What do you think?

we spend life looking for the perfect person a soul mate as we may call it searching through knives,thorn bushes and alot of pain yes some give up because they have have been fooled by the beautiful and charming mask on the thorns to much ,but some of us carry on ,some of us keep searching until we find pure beauty underneath in the heart

I look at you, I see myself, For the feelings felt, Blame no-one else, In the world alone, Or so it seems, It's easy to fall, To go unseen, No hope for the future, No care for the past, No feeling at present, No pain atlast, To give up life, I guess I see, You are in true misery, I've been there to, Stuck in plight, Guess the only diffrence is, I chose to fight, As you stand here now, Kneading death in your hands, Prepared to give in, Your minds made up, Your dreams are dead, Everyones gone, One final breath, You can't be wrong, You plunge into the darkness, It was there all along.

a cutter with clean wrist impossible they say but then they checked her hips it wasn't good noway her sides where chopped and slashed but a secret it was kept even by the ones who said they truly loved her best she cried quietly in a corner never let her parents see that there perfect little angel was as broken as can be she cried into a corner where depression took the wheel convinced her to do tragic things no bandage could heel she kept on cutting and cutting but still nobody told and then one day she took her life her body unmoving and cold they said she wasn't bullied but maby the little things count they told her what she was some days a freak weirdo burnout these things add up you know although she said she didn't care they made her want to yell scream and rip out her own hair it may not look like bullying but people take things to the heart so maby we should stop doing this to people stop suicide were it starts -c.c.

stuck here so confused all alone heart bruised never ending fight to the death every look takes my breath -c.c.

FORGETFUL by Joshie B. (intro) (verse1) YOUR STUCK IN DESPERATION, WASTING TIME ON YOUR ADMIRATION. NO ONE IS GONNA BRING YOU DOWN! SO STOP LOOKING AROUND! I can't tell you what you mean to me. I wish, that only you could see. all the stars in the sky, there shining for only you tonight. Just close your eyes, just close your. I CAN'T, SEE IN FRONT OF ME, I'M GOING BLIND YOU SEE! WHY AREN'T YOU NEXT TO ME!, I wanna see your bright pink lips, pressed on mine as we kiss. It doesn't have to end like this, it doesn't have to end like this. Tell me, it's ok, to run away when I get scared of things. I know, that now you're everything., Tell me, that everything is fine, you are mine tonight. (chorus) I could've dropped dead I COULD'VE DROPPED DEAD!)x4) (gtr) tell me its ok, tell me its ok,...grab the knife slit my throat just as long as you'll always know, I will love you till the end. I'll never let go not even then(chorus) Did you forget me? cus i know i won't ever forget you. when your always in my heart, it takes time to, get over being apart.(chorus)

Maybe not the best piece.. But if you think it's ok ask me to add more. ^///^" Anyway tell me waht do u think? The more feelings the less words Like I couldn't think about these two at once I see the dolls in melancholic dance Macabre is coming, hiting in their heads, Nothing but ignorance By force unknown they're led Dream dance my child, don't ever wake Up there is something you don't wanna know It's just a place where you could go The risk which no one wants to take It's home for thinkers on their own Where on their own are they forsaken You say they're lonly and you are right It's a disease to your own heart they'll spread avert your gaze when skies are burning red As through the evening, calling from the night Love coloured is like death cause dead Are those who can't come back to lives they had.

So this is inspired from The Gazette's Taion , rlly sad story, RIP Junko furuta :'( ________________________________ There you are, my love my young and most beautiful rose it's nearly winter, then will be quickly spring ...Dearest...what has happened? Please reply...speak even I lost the sound of even your heartbeat... Just a bit more longer, If only you had lasted so young...too young And your warm red petals they changed, died, decayed, withered... And turned white, colourless.... Why didn't they help you? Why did they fear? "Powerless and weak...." does hatred now cloud your thoughts? Speak only of hate and pain...you're still scared even now, though, they are far away is it because they walk free, dearest? Wanted revenge maybe? But how? No...no But only kids we all were Nothing stays the same forever... Even as they ripped your petals from you, burned you, humiliated you... plucked you when still not fully grown, so innocent Forget, move on to the other world that awaits you, the one that will make you happy again The world you now see here so cruel, so untamed, you learned the hard way Please... just let go... We know you didn't deserve this... all this pain and hatred... We all know of your story, us who care for you though some see you a stranger, though feel you, and know you from them...

i sat there forced to whatch you in your despair all i could do was whatch and stare i couldnt do a thing to save your life i had to whatch you in your strife you said you were fine but i know you lied i had to whatch you when you died now your gone and i am lost your death had the highest cost now im lost in my despair while others can only whatch and stare they cant do a thing to save my life but sit and whatch me in my strife i say im fine but they know i lie they must sit and whatch me die.

Why am I queit? Bc Im sad I've been through mostly bad... I walk with my head down I wear a frown... I try hiding this side... No longer filled with pride... I'm starting to fade Into darkness Broken and heartless.. I'm just a fucking mess.. No one knows what's wrong I've been trough this for so long I try to talk about it But I lose it... My throat clenched... Tears filling my eyes I start to cry... I don't want it to show I dont want you to know.. The pain is just to strong I can no longer hold on.. Fake smiles or none at all... I feel so fucking small... I run from my fears And worry about the things near.. It's harder to focus for a while As I try to put on a smile.. I have no ones shoulder to cry on All my happiness is gone. I cry and start feeling sick It feels like in my heart there's a sharp stick.. How long will this go on? I can't stay strong. I'm way to weak I dont want to speak.. I look in the mirror The tears coming nearer.. My eyes all red The sadness I dread.. The tears stream down my face As I lose my place.. Why am I crying? I feel like dieing. What's wrong with me Happiness is what I can't see.. I used to be happy and energetic Now I'm just pathetic... I used to be crazy and wound But then I start falling to the ground.. Depression I found.. Now I'm dark Stuck here with no heart... Quiet and alone No one to pull me home.. I'm so much different you see This isn't the real me.. Calling me names Bc I'm mean You haven't seen... You don't know I'm depressed I'm just a big mess... I try not to show No one can know... But the pain is pouring out I want to scream and shout This isn't what I'm all about. The pain inside The tears I cry... As I slowly die... You'd still never know... Why this side of me starts to show. Distractions only last so long Soon I'll be gone... I hold it in a day And cry when people go away... Fine one minute Gone the next I'm an emotional wreck Nothing but a mess... Why do we love the people that cause us pain.. It drives me insane... I'll do whatever it takes To be the mistake You can't live without... You know my name Not my story You know what I've done Not what I've been through. Happiness straight from the bottle When real life's to hard to swallow. You left me here Like a chalkoutline On the sidewalk Waitin for the rain To wash away... Loving the ones I Miss That made me feel like shit The way you made me feel The pain never heals You go through my mind All the time I hope you come back But in my heart there's a big long crack.. Al these dreams washed away Happiness doesn't stay... Tears stream down my face Ive lost my place Lieing here in darkness Broken and heartless Alone and lost.. My chance is in the past Nothing good ever lasts... Walking with my head down Music is the only sound... I'm not in the mood I'm covered in wounds.. I don't want to talk just go away I'm really not okay.. You see the look in my eyes The tears I cry.. Ask me what's wrong You'd never understand I'm stuck Sinking in this sand... Someone give me a hand and help me move.. Happiness is what I lose.. Falling and hitting the floor I have nothing more... Words fall music speaks... I'm way to weak... Someone help me back on my feet.. Bit by bit things start to fall apart What once is my heart is crushed And this pain is sharp.. Sometimes I don't even know what's wrong I've been hiding it in all along. Cry for no reason Alone through the seasons... I need help But no one hears my yelp... These crazy thoughts go through my mind.. Happiness is something I can't find. Words unsaid That familiar pound In my head There's no light I'm filled with fright... All these thoughts day and might I've lost the fight Done holding on Everything is gone...

I remembered ur walk The way you talk The sound of your voice... But I'm not your choice... You look at me like you have something to say.. But then you just walk away. It's really annoying It pisses me off. All my happiness is lost. Fuck this fuck that Go to hell I'll do the same as well.. Dreams washed away There's nothing to say. Lying here in darkness Broken and heartless.

In trapped in darkness Broken and heartless... I'm a big fucking mess I'm done doing my best. I fall and hit the floor I have nothing more Broken dreams Silent screams... Tears stream down my face I've lost my place.. So many mistakes... Happiness doesn't last My chances are in the past.. I'll lie here forever While you are together. Words fall music speaks I'm just so weak. I tryed holding on For so fucking long. But now I'm not strong. What once was my heart Is crushed and the pain is sharp. Shattered and blown away.. I'm not okay. The look in my eyes.. The tears I cry.. Hiding and running I'm not so stunning.. Broken and alone Lightness hasn't shown. Drowning in sorrows There's no tomorrow..

I wana scream loud enough the love we had can hear me say: "How could you!" you let me hold your heart where did it go? I know one thing is true I didn't drop it. Somehow it faded into something I once thought I could never feel again because you promised me everything. I feel something hard deep down inside a silence illuminating from every tear I wipe from my eyes. Don't touch me this time. Forever has no end... love has one meaning and the word "Us" faded along with your heart.

The Judge and the Jury Watching every move, hearing every word. Making me feel worse than a dying, caged bird. Using hate as your gavel and power, Behind your own flaws you always cower. You cut me worse than I could ever hurt myself, Words sharper than blades, all to harm, but none to mend. I try to hide, using subtlety and stealth, But your speech catches me, my will to press on will bend In shame... You are the Judge, and you are the jury. Every conviction brings forth worry. Where can I find my sanctuary? My eternal search makes me weary. I've been sentenced for life, for good. With confidence I once had stood, But now I long to see the light. The harsh punishment, unholy blight. I swim against the current of pain, Only to realize my efforts were in vain.

ok so this is the first poem ive put on here and its really bad..but here it is ig Maybe i'll never be able to talk to people without getting so nervous that my mind freezes im shaking and barely being able to choke out my words maybe i'll never fit in with anyone anywhere maybe ill never learn to do anything right maybe i'll never stop causing myself pain maybe i should end it all tonight but maybe just maybe things will turn out just right but for now maybe i'll just sit here watching my life go by

I try I try i try to be me But it doesn't work The darkness holds me in With no pathway to continue on What shall I do Should I sit in the darkness And let it over come me Shall I cry the tears no one shall ever hear Shall I go for a third to end it all and never to be heard again