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Found 18 results

  1. Goodbye mom, Goodbye dad. Please don't blame yourself, And don't be sad. Goodbye sister, Goodbye brother. Please be good, For mother and father. Goodbye lover, Goodbye friends. Please don't forget, All the time we had spent. Goodbye teachers, Goodbye bully. Please move on, Though you may not remember me. Goodbye everyone, My time is near. Goodbye world, My time is here.
  2. What Lies Within Within the world, there is life. Within life, there are secrets. Within secrets, there are lies. Within lies, there is a partial truth. Within that partial truth, is insecurity. Alongside insecurity, is guilt. Following that guilt, is sadness. After sadness, is pain. Trailing such pain, is anguish. In the shadow of anguish, is frustration. Dragging behind frustration, is lack of interest. Due to lack of interest, you die every single day. With every waking moment of your miserable life You repeat this cycle, Only to find yourself in a rut. A Conversation with One’s Inner Self Time after time, day after day And you still haven’t destroyed yourself! What’s wrong with you? Just get it over with! Do it! DO IT! …..But I can’t…. Of course you can’t; You don’t have the balls to end this; To end this cycle, your own existence. Well if you’re not going to do it, then I’ll grow a pair for you; I’ll end you myself!
  3. All these kids around me, they'll never understand how broken and depressed I am. They'll never know I hide scars and cuts under my bracelets. They'll never see that words really do hurt. They'll never see my tears. They'll never see how much I hurt deep down inside. They'll never realize I fake a smile everyday. They'll never understand what I've gone through in my past. They'll never feel how I felt in my past and present. They'll never understand me.
  4. Six little butterflies fly in a straight line on my wrist. Should I kill them one by one or all at once? After all, they are pretty ugly.
  5. Beautiful creatures unlike any other Whose lives are determined on Who knows one another Not designated to go anywhere In reality only some really care But life will go on Even in this awful town
  6. I'm living in a world of pain. I'm living in a world of hurt. I'm living in a world of sorrow. Hiding behind a wall, I fake a smile and cover my scars, hoping to hide all my emotions from my friends. I hide my pain behind a fake smile, my scars under a jacket, and as for my tears, I just hold them in, waiting till the night when I can drown my sorrows in a pillow. I am alone in this world. A world of sorrow and pain. A world of disappointment and grief. I'm stuck in a horrible world, and I don't know what to do.
  7. Again I cried tonight. This sadness is all consuming. Every day I cry, tonight my mother walked in, I blamed my tears on the movie that was on. I can't take this, I hear myself every day echo the words I was told, im too fat, put down my fork, kill myself, im too ugly, im a whore . It's hard, so very, very hard trying to maintain my mask. I think im losing myself, but I'm afraid I already have. The constant remarks from my brothers push me closer to insanity, and have been through so much only to demand the easy way to end my pain. Show no-one my pain. I have before, tried to tell my mother of how sad I was and she pushed it off as my seclusion. I do admit that the recent move has dampened my spirits, I have, however, been sad long before. I have carried my pain since I was 4. My father was and is a drug addict, and when my mother found out she left him and took us. This sent us from upper middle class straight to low poverty, where we are restrained by the chains of money and necessity. Growing up with out a father is hard. The constant reminder of the father I don't have comes every year on fathers day. The fathers day projects I was and am forced to make, in order to get participation points, hurt to give to my mother to be thrown away. Seeing my friends enjoy a doting, protective father brings resentment to me. Each wedding I've been to had little girls stepping on their fathers toes to dance, each 4th of July fathers put their daughters on their necks to see the firework show, every open house, every, movie I watch, every park with families playing ball, every day I have no dad to say goodnight to, drives a shooting pain through me, forcing me to swallow my sorrow, choke on my tears. I look at each one, day dreaming of a father I never had. Only to be brought back to reality with the cold, disappointing realization that I don't have, nor will I ever have, a father. In the 2nd grade I started to get bullied, not harshly but nonetheless. I was excluded from group readings, I would be pushed from the jungle gym. I had made 4 friends though Gabrielle, Darian, Emily, and Jill. I was called horrible names, names that got worse with years. I would vent to gabe, Jill, and darian. Every day I was pushed to the back of the lunchline, pushed to the ground. Then came the new school because elementary and bullying got worse, 3rd grade and my bullies found out the joy in lying. Every Damn day, i was made fun of. I tried to escape through reading, my teach one day came to me and said, stop trying you can't read. 4th grade Darian and Emily were no longer my friends. I had gained a new friend named jakie. The bullying continued daily. I would die inside each day, and now I can hardly believe I still have a pulse. I had started to believe their words. Fat, ugly, whore, bra stuffer, bitch, and many more. I would never cry in front of them though. I would wait until night when I was alone and I would cry myself to sleep. In 5th grade the physical bullying started. I would be beaten up and teachers turned a blind eye. I would hide it from my mother, unsure of how to tell her. I went to gabe, Jill, and jakie fir help. I don't know why, all they could do was give me hollow supportive words. I was beaten ever other day, I would pick myself up dust myself off and wipe away the blood. I tried to stop it at first, but all attempts were in vain. I finally accepted it, that I couldn't escape. I put up a brave face, smiled to the teachers, my family, and even my friends. I stopped telling them when it happened they already knew what was happening. They would take my back pack and dump it out and throw it down. I felt like nothing I was nothing , I am nothing. 6th grade started, a new school, middle school, and I got hope, small hope, but hope. Like a small glow of a lighting bug on a dark night. The school had a step up program, it was supposed to have kids going looking for and stopping bullying. I was bullied still, there was one who bullied me more harshly than the rest all the way from 2nd grade, ill call her Jenny, its not her real name, she doesn't deserve recognition. I would pray and pray and wish, hope, dream that a person from step up would see. They didn't. One day in the bathroom, Jenny hit me, a person n from step up walked in, Jenny hit me again. I looked her in the eye, bracing the wall, cupping my face. She turned around, and walked through the door, and Jenny proceed to hurt me. In that moment I truly understood those who contemplated suicide. The small glow snuffed out, the bug squashed, my dream of help shattered. I was consumed by the sickening blue of selfpity. I contemplated suicide daily. I resented those commercials about "stop bullying" because they never helped. My bully or her friends didn't suddenly say, "I saw a commercial so I'll stop, lets go sit together and enjoy this day! " every organization against bullying I want to take the hollow, meaningless words spewed form the lie coated lips of the arrogant, self-righteous members and shove them so far down their throats that they get constipated, aspirate, choke ,and die. The only reason those groups exist is so people can put on a resume or transcript, that they care about the betterment of society, when in reality they have never helped anything except their own greedy egos! In the 7th grade I finally cried in front of my mother and told her. All she did was show me an anti bullying add! I went to a teacher that year, he only sat us across the room from eachother. I finally went to the principle, all she did was change my classes,wwhich didn't help, lunch, break, and after school I was beaten still. I had given up, suicide seemed like a walk through the park, it still does. I had then cried my last tear. The well had dried up, and what was left was a white hot rage at the bottom of my hollow soul. I had exhausted the use of my sadness. All I could envision for my future was death. Each day through the year of 7th grade, each name, word or comment was like a brick, building my anger. By the end of the year I was filled to the brim in anger. That anger sat there over the summer, festering and fermenting getting stronger like wine. By the beginning of 8th grade she continued to bully me, by the 2nd week my rage spilled over, and I beat the hell out of her. I poured every ounce of hate into her beating, I threw out morals, I had lost myself in that moment. After that, I was empty, empty of happiness, she took it. empty of sadness, she caused me to cry it out. Empty of anger, because I had used it all. 8th and 9th grade passed without incident,. I, a shell, a puppet, went through the motions pulled by the strings of society. I am truly, wholly, totally, completely, and irreversibly depressed. I am depressed to the full extent of the word. I was bullied every day for 6 YEARS, every day. I have been depressed every day since I was 4, over a decade. 11 years of sadness,. 11 years of unanswered prayers. Unfulfilled wishes, shattered hopes, and crushed dreams. I don't know how else to feel, I have made familiarity in shelter of depression. I built me a home on the hills of sorrow. A fortress in the valley of the shattered. I want to die. I no longer know who I am, I look in the mirror and see a stranger, a hideous stranger. I now understand all those songs. I am in a hypothetical hole incapable of clawing my way out. And now after so long, im unsure if I want to. I am unfelt, unheard, and unseen by those around me. Misunderstood. No one should exist like this. I moved away from my true friends gabe and Jill. Friends that have been with me through all of this. They will never know the role they played in my life. I can honestly say I loved them. And now moved from them, I am empty of love. I have inflicted pain on myself over and over to check if im still consciously alive and not, intead, in hell. I have run out of hidden places to scar, and have moved to those that can be seen. I changed my style to distract people from my cuts that can now be seen. I have stopped eating regularly, and now I don't sleep. I am withering away in the wind of those words that echo in my mind. Fat, ugly, slut, liar, alone, die. I can't be saved. I would ask for help if I haven't already tried. Have you had a similar experience? With bullying or divorce. How have you delta with it? Is this a valid reason to cut? What are your thoughts?
  8. If you or someone you know needs help, but isn't comfortable with going to a counselor right away, there is a website that is VERY good to go to for any questions you may have, or even jus an ear if you need to talk. It's a bit strict on what you can post, but VERY helpful. Mainly designed for suicidal people, it also has various other forums for depression, anxiety, PTSD, DID, and many other disorders, as well as suicide, loss. and a chat. I recommend it for anyone who wants help, but isn't comfortable with going to a therepist or even posting on here. www.suicideforum.com/
  9. Swear It! (verse1) You, swear it by the night it's, only left or right. We, hold it still and fast while you, think about your past. You know, we never would've won if you, never would've come. We think, everything you do is just, something I get used to. (chorus) Well I'll sleep tonight, knowing you're not by my side. Knowing how this will end, knowing when to call it quits. I hope you sleep well darling knowing I'm yours, you will, always be my girl you will always be my world and I know, sorrow plays on both our hearts, trying to tear us apart. But you already know it won't as long as you please don't go. I'm sorry I'm not there I love you more than anything it just hurts when you're gone when you're always on the run fromm your fears, my dear, it's alright. (verse2) (SO BREAK!) Can't you feel my heart? Beating faster from afar. No one knows what's happening no one knows the fatality (THAT YOU!) Give me heart attacks, I'm always gunna have your back. I love you so much more, than anyone could ever endure. It seems THAT this reality, is nothing but a lucid dream. I'll hold you in my arms tonight, we'll fall asleep and fly up high. WAY past the starline...you know you look so beautiful tonight. (chorus)
  10. I 'm offically self-destucting. I can't do this anymore I feel like i'm going to fricken explode! I fallen back into my anerxia habits, the cuttings gotten more frequent and deeper. Suscide seems to always me on my mind these days. My anxity just gets worse and worse, i feel like it's suffocating me and trying not to cut just makes the past come back to me, i can't do this anymore. I need salvation.
  11. i sat there forced to whatch you in your despair all i could do was whatch and stare i couldnt do a thing to save your life i had to whatch you in your strife you said you were fine but i know you lied i had to whatch you when you died now your gone and i am lost your death had the highest cost now im lost in my despair while others can only whatch and stare they cant do a thing to save my life but sit and whatch me in my strife i say im fine but they know i lie they must sit and whatch me die.
  12. Why am I queit? Bc Im sad I've been through mostly bad... I walk with my head down I wear a frown... I try hiding this side... No longer filled with pride... I'm starting to fade Into darkness Broken and heartless.. I'm just a fucking mess.. No one knows what's wrong I've been trough this for so long I try to talk about it But I lose it... My throat clenched... Tears filling my eyes I start to cry... I don't want it to show I dont want you to know.. The pain is just to strong I can no longer hold on.. Fake smiles or none at all... I feel so fucking small... I run from my fears And worry about the things near.. It's harder to focus for a while As I try to put on a smile.. I have no ones shoulder to cry on All my happiness is gone. I cry and start feeling sick It feels like in my heart there's a sharp stick.. How long will this go on? I can't stay strong. I'm way to weak I dont want to speak.. I look in the mirror The tears coming nearer.. My eyes all red The sadness I dread.. The tears stream down my face As I lose my place.. Why am I crying? I feel like dieing. What's wrong with me Happiness is what I can't see.. I used to be happy and energetic Now I'm just pathetic... I used to be crazy and wound But then I start falling to the ground.. Depression I found.. Now I'm dark Stuck here with no heart... Quiet and alone No one to pull me home.. I'm so much different you see This isn't the real me.. Calling me names Bc I'm mean You haven't seen... You don't know I'm depressed I'm just a big mess... I try not to show No one can know... But the pain is pouring out I want to scream and shout This isn't what I'm all about. The pain inside The tears I cry... As I slowly die... You'd still never know... Why this side of me starts to show. Distractions only last so long Soon I'll be gone... I hold it in a day And cry when people go away... Fine one minute Gone the next I'm an emotional wreck Nothing but a mess... Why do we love the people that cause us pain.. It drives me insane... I'll do whatever it takes To be the mistake You can't live without... You know my name Not my story You know what I've done Not what I've been through. Happiness straight from the bottle When real life's to hard to swallow. You left me here Like a chalkoutline On the sidewalk Waitin for the rain To wash away... Loving the ones I Miss That made me feel like shit The way you made me feel The pain never heals You go through my mind All the time I hope you come back But in my heart there's a big long crack.. Al these dreams washed away Happiness doesn't stay... Tears stream down my face Ive lost my place Lieing here in darkness Broken and heartless Alone and lost.. My chance is in the past Nothing good ever lasts... Walking with my head down Music is the only sound... I'm not in the mood I'm covered in wounds.. I don't want to talk just go away I'm really not okay.. You see the look in my eyes The tears I cry.. Ask me what's wrong You'd never understand I'm stuck Sinking in this sand... Someone give me a hand and help me move.. Happiness is what I lose.. Falling and hitting the floor I have nothing more... Words fall music speaks... I'm way to weak... Someone help me back on my feet.. Bit by bit things start to fall apart What once is my heart is crushed And this pain is sharp.. Sometimes I don't even know what's wrong I've been hiding it in all along. Cry for no reason Alone through the seasons... I need help But no one hears my yelp... These crazy thoughts go through my mind.. Happiness is something I can't find. Words unsaid That familiar pound In my head There's no light I'm filled with fright... All these thoughts day and might I've lost the fight Done holding on Everything is gone...
  13. Ok, so I've recently been writing a few poems, and so far these are the absolute best. The Rainbow Concept Red is the fuel of my passion Orange, the setting sun Yellow is malicious jealousy Green, the Earth around everyone Blue is the depression within Indigo for the tears I cry Violet sends up my prayers To white fluffy clouds in the sky Where angels sit and watch over me And sing a song ever so sweetly All right, so that one wasn't phenomenal, but this one I think several will appreciate... (and yes I know the previous poem references to the title of this one. that was the point XD) The Depression Within Teary eyes Icy stones Shattered minds Broken bones The deepest earth The darkest sea Yet still no one Dares cry for me The blue Abyss The crushing weight The raging turmoil Dark waves of hate Save me from the deep In the black ocean I drown And my bitter heart Keeps dragging me down I hope you liked ~ I'll be posting more soon :3
  14. Are there certain stratagies you use to get yourself out of a depressing mood?
  15. I dated a guy for a year and four months, and when we broke up he started doing hard drugs and I ended up in a mental hospital for suicide attempts. I carved his name in my hip while I was in the emergancy room. I started dating my friend when I got out and I don't feel love anymore.. I love him but I'm not in love like I am with the asshole who I let go... I really need help... He still means everything to me and I want him to be healthy and happy no matter what... If I ever told my friends though they would get mad at me because he is so jealous and overprotective... But I can't help it... Please help me... I don't know what I want or what I'm supposed to do so oh God please just help me... I'm crying again.... :'(
  16. I let the lies get inside of me I let them tell me what was right and wrong You told her all the things you had wished i said.. You had made up lies just to get her mad at me Well they worked Good job Good job at almost ruining my life, making me almost commit suicide, start cutting and make me realize who's my friend and who's not Good job
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