Remembering

[ThyArtIsLexi]

This is a poem/story I wrote not too long ago.  Enjoy~

 

A cold, dark, lonely room,

Empty, devoid of life 

Save for one soul 

A girl sits, huddled in her corner

Pale moonlight spilling in through the window adjacent to her

Licking her toes 

Her arms are wrapped around her knees

Tears are slowly streaming down her pale cheeks 

Yet, she feels nothing 

There is not a sound 

But yet so many in her head 

All the voices, all the memories 

Will never leave her mind 

She grips her leg at this thought 

So hard, 

Wiling the thoughts to empty out of her mind 

So hard, 

Invisible blood leaks from her wounds 

Internally 

For the girl can no longer bleed at all 

She is waiting, forever watching the world 

Through cold and uncaring eyes 

She can never be part of it 

She can never be who she once was

Back when she was alive 

Back when she was whole 

She is doomed to this eternal existence 

This is truly no existence at all,

She cannot feel 

But yet she weeps 

For the memories are so strong 

So potent 

It feels as though she can reach out and touch them 

To be alive again 

To feel the warmth of the sun 

Rather than the endless cold 

For many years, 

She simply watched 

Watched her family grow old

Moved on, 

Without her 

Her mother never stopped crying 

Eventually, 

Her father’s alcohol addiction proved fatal 

He was never much of a drinker 

Till his daughter killed herself 

On that tragic day, 

He became wild, violent 

So uncaring,

Her mother confined herself to her bedroom 

Not eating, 

Nor drinking 

Nor living, 

Her brother began to experiment with poisons

A taste the tongue could not acquire enough of 

“It’s just a cut”

His sister had said to him 

“It really helps me”

“But it hurts me”,

He had said to her 

Just a cut 

Just a scratch 

Where did it all begin? 

When did she grow so cold? 

It was just a cut

They were just words

But now she watches,

So lifeless,

No one took notice 

Of the soul that slowly withered inside 

Everything had been burned away 

Crumbled to ash 

Belongings left to dust 

That day the bullet entered her brain,

Her room remained the same

Although her brother often entered 

Held her photo

And cried,

He touched her things

He tried to never forget 

Those wounds that ripped open

Just by looking

Her smell was fading 

Dust collected on her things,

Slowly,

Her brother stopped visiting,

The room was boarded up,

Left to rot 

Memories left to fade,

Please don’t forget me,

She pleads to the empty house

She watched, 

Helplessly 

She watched her mother slowly faded away

Something akin to death

Lonely 

So cold

So broken 

Forever broken

Her best friend always blamed herself 

And became so reckless 

Pregnant at 19 years old,

No father to be found 

Eventually, she overdosed 

On heroine 

Died in a cold dark alley 

One snowy Christmas 

Her child frozen in her arms 

The bully never forgot what she had done 

Never forgot anything

Not a single word 

Started cutting words into her skin 

All those words, that helped her sin

Went to therapy 

But not much worked

Forever awake 

Never to sleep again 

The girl remembers the day 

That she died 

It was no quick deed 

But over time 

With every word 

A little more of her died 

Till she was just a husk 

An empty shell of a person 

The teachers noticed the signs 

But never acted 

“It’s just a phase.” 

They all had said 

They had seen the cuts 

They had seen the scars on the girl’s wrists

They will never forget 

The regret will never fade

The boy that had secretly admired her 

Keeps her picture tucked under his pillow

And whispers to it every night 

“If only I had said something sooner”

“No.” 

The girl whispered at last 

This can’t be right. 

She had never intended 

All of this 

She just wanted relief 

For the pain to end 

Never did she think 

That she would hurt so many 

The object of nightmares and regret 

No

This was never how she wanted to be remembered 

She wished 

She could have told mom 

“It was never your fault.” 

And that she loved her

And that she loved dad 

He was not the weak one

She wished she could tell her brother

“Drugs are more harmful to the body than cutting”,

“Please don’t destroy yourself anymore”

She wanted to tell the teachers 

It was her fault for not speaking up 

She longed to whisper to the bully 

“I forgive you.” 

“Don’t end up like me.”

She wished to tell her best friend, 

“Everything will be okay.”

She wanted to tell the boy 

“It’s okay. I will never forget you.” 

More than anything 

She wanted to tell them all 

“Please live, and never forget me.” 

If only they knew 

How badly she wanted them to live 

Because life is precious 

And she had wasted it 

Each tear, 

Another regret,

Another memory, 

That slowly fades into nothing 

Now she sits, 

All alone 

As the world keeps turning 

In an empty house

Full of regret 

Full of longing 

Staring out the window 

Remembering what had once been 

Her life