How have you prepared for a zombie apocalypse?

[Crankor]

how could they even tell if you weren't a zombie? and why wouldn't they attack themselves?

[EvilActivity]

I don't know yet. After watching vintage films like night of the living dead, I find zombies are the least of your problems. If you happen to be black, don't fucking stand by the window the morning after zombie day! You'll be shot and killed by your rescuers for sure!

[xXlostinmyworldXx]

I bought 20 cases of ramen, charged my phone, dug up my coffee can full of marbles, found my Mickey Mouse watch, patched the inner tube on my old Columbia bicycle, stole 2 watermelons, ate one of them, brewed extra coffee, consulted my guru, sold the farm, became a Democrat, bought a newspaper from 1917, took a shower, collected all my VHS tapes, dug a foxhole, discovered a new planet, wrote my memoirs, cashed a check, washed my hair, wrote mysterious things on my Converse, solved Einsteins special theory of relativity, robbed a bank, ate poison mushrooms, killed a shark with my bare feet, raised the Titanic (and made it seaworthy again), chased a cow and a bunny off my lawn, burned down the neighbors house, took 4 of the neighbors wives (and a pig), dug up 3 ancient graves, found the holy grail (and hid it again), drank a bottle of Chivas Regal, toilet papered a school bus, had awesome sex with an old cougar (3 times), smoked some oregano, plugged up the toilet, ripped the crotch seam out of my jeans, cleaned the lint out of my bellybutton, wiggled my toes, sucked all the blood out of a vampire, cussed out the ice cream man, went to an AA meeting, got drunk (again) on Chivas Regal, beat up a cop, caught a lightning bolt in my bare hands, broke the ice, burned the flag, found the square root of zero, invented a new language, contemplated my awesomeness, admired my perfect feet, swallowed a golf ball, farted, made love to a gorilla, made a robot out of Pepsi cans and string, bought the farm back and set it on fire, tried burning some chewing gum, painted my toenails bright yellow with black dots, discovered Uranus, made mud pies, ate a pterodactyl egg, panned for silver, fell down a well, fell up again, discovered plan G4, bought Google and turned it into a gigantic spybot, sold the world, dug a latrine, embroidered my shirt, slept in an old coffin, smoked a rubber cigar, tasted two worms, painted the town red, interrogated an alien being, took Bonnie and punched Clyde in the face, sold what was left of the farm, broke a mirror, spotted an owl (with a Sharpie, you dunce, lol), made pine bark pancakes, rode an ostrich, played with matches and a lighter, had a dream about you, egged the mailman, caught a whale, threw it back, found my bearings, lost them again, screwed up, then screwed down, rubbed my bare feet together,

 

and... after all that, the zombie apocalypse never came at all.

[EvilActivity]

None of these ideas will stick... Besides, Why is it that every time you see yet another god awful post-’zombie apocolypse‘ movie, the small group of rag-tag survivors that our story follows are always on a road trip somewhere?

 

 

It’s always the same: someone spouts out some crap like ‘I heard there was a safe settlement in some random place that we can journey to over the course of a two hour shit fest’ nonsense; and then they load up a van, bus, hummer, or whatever, and spend the entire movie on-the-go. Why is the sole occupation of post Z-Day Earth simply to drive around from place to place, being chased around every time you decide to investigate an abandoned Costco or a suspicious petrol station?

 

 

They rush somewhere, get in trouble, rush to another place, get in more trouble, and then rush off in search of a final place, that may or may not inexplicably be 100% free of the mutation and desolation that has spread to, apparently, every other corner of the globe (except Alaska or maybe Vegas or perhaps some other specific place that’s always in America where the virus started, and not on Madagascar or in Papua New Guinea or something). What’s more is that they never actually get there. They simply learn a valuable lesson about sticking together, and then get back into the van, bus, hummer, or whatever, and drive off into the sunset, having found the sense of safety that they’d been looking for all along… temporarily forgetting, or not caring, that a billion zombies still want to eat their flesh.

 

 

But hey, at least they’ve discovered that it’s only when all seems lost that you discover what’s truly important in – oh, who gives a fuck.

[Petrichor]

i would learn archery (lara croft style), and find myself a badass zombie killer  like jesse eisenberg did in zombieland.

[Cheesus ٩(͡๏̮͡๏)۶]

I have a lightsaber and a foam sword D: yeah I'm screwed , id die

[EF_Ernesto]

The Zombie Apocolypse is already here actually.. all them people with them cellphones act like zombies and wont even say Hello when you say Hi to them.

 

That right there is a Zombie Apocolyse to me.

[hi-c]

well i have made it to state for cross country and track a few times...and i live right across the street from winco...i think i'll manage

[AnAlienAmongUs]

Got my plan all fingered out, i just hope it all goes well.

[Molock]

No. I'm preparing for a more realist threat of the eventual economic collapse the United Sates and the chaos that will ensue world wide once that happens. But you weren't being serious. Were you?

Edited August 26, 2016 by Molock